Honk honk, Time Lord Mothers

I think my mom would be the worst possible Time Lord. Well, of course, cos she's a woman. But she'd also make a pretty shitty Time Lady. She's the sort of person who, seconds after an irrevocable decision X has been made and executed, immediately wonders aloud, "Damn it, maybe we should have done decision Y..." Had Julius Caesar been in the company of my mom when he crossed the Rubicon, she would have followed this un-undoable breach of the boundaries of Rome by its own soldiers on active duty with the words, "Damn it, we shouldn't have crossed the Rubicon." My point is that if this woman were a Time Lady and therefore able to harness the awesome time-traveling abilities of a TARDIS...the world would be a terrifying place. Mostly because we'd be stuck in one moment for all of eternity. Time would cease to progress, one moment would repeat itself over and over again, until finally G-d would be like, "Shit, this is boring" and then end the universe. I mean, that's how I imagine the end of the universe: G-d just gets bored and turns it off.

What I mean is that, if this woman had a TARDIS, she would make one decision and then immediately regret it and then go back and change the situation. I don't know which decision specifically...does it really matter? It could be something as stupid as "Damn it, I shouldn't have eaten that fry," or something more serious like, "Damn it, I should have sent you kids to public school." But then she'd go back in her TARDIS and change the situation...but then immediately afterward decide that she should have changed the situation in a different way. So she'll go back and change it again. And so on and so on for hundreds of years and hundreds of regenerations, going back to the same moment. The universe would never progress! Gaaaaaaa!!!!!

Anyway...

Today I was driving around LA and I was in the right lane stopped at a red light. I decided to keep going straight and not to turn right, but since this was NOT a right turn only lane it wasn't a big deal. Or so I thought. Next thing I know I hear a horn behind me angrily honking, so I turn around and:



Holy shit! Emperor Palpatine is in the car behind me! And he's making angry gestures at me! Apparently he has an urgent meeting on the Death Star with Darth Vader, and he's pissed that he can't make a turn on this red light because the person in front of him (who obviously must be part of the Rebel Alliance) has to wait for a green light to move.

But then I realize...wait a minute. This isn't Emperor Palpatine. He isn't on his way to an important budgetary meeting with Darth Vader followed by luncheon with Grand Moff Tarkin. It's just a really old man. Who apparently is furious with me for doing something totally legal. I stare at him in my mirror, this guy who looks so old that his skin is practically falling off his face like cake batter dripping off a spoon, and he just keeps making angry gestures--not frantic or panicked gestures, but rather gestures that convey the idea that he can't believe what a total bitch I am for not running this red light.

I have to wonder what the rush is all about. Does the Crypt Keeper have a day job that he was rushing to? No, this guy has probably been retired since the early 1950's, the last time he had to clock in at work his coworkers were wearing "I like Ike" pins, there's no fucking way he was on his way to work. Perhaps he was late for his appointment with Death. Dunno.

Anyway. That's just what happened today. Oh yeah...well, there was that part where the light turned green, and I rolled down my window, stuck my head out and turned around. Then I gave him a backwards V-sign and yelled in the midst of LA traffic, "Fuck you, Palpatine!" and drove off singing the Star Wars theme.

Sometimes I love road rage.