Saturday, December 6, 2008
How come Shakespeare's plays are never staged to take place in the time periods and settings that Shakespeare intended? That never happens anymore... Nowadays you have to stage Hamlet in the stone age, or Henry V in some futuristic space battle place, or Romeo and Juliet have to be teenagers in the Canada Fur Wars of 1764 (okay, I'm pretty sure there's no such thing as "Canada Fur Wars of 1764, but you get my point).
Friday, December 5, 2008
Weirdos from the kibbutz revisited
So this weirdo I know from the kibbutz ("weirdo from the kibbutz"? that narrows things down...) sends me an IM on facebook. Conversations goes a little like this:
Person: Hi.
Me: Hi.
Person: 'sup?
Me: Nothing. What's new with you?
Person: ....nm......still engaged
I figured that was my cue to show polite interest, so I wrote back something like, "Oh, congrats, to who?" and figured the happy groom-to-be would be glad to tell me a little bit about this person, like how he knows her or what her name is or whatever. I naturally assumed I wouldn't know the person, but I figured my asking would elicit some kind of basic descriptive response on the part of said girl's future husband. But no.
Me: Oh, congrats, to who?
Person: A girl.
And that was the end of the conversation. I'm sorry, here's my problem with this conversation:
1) Don't IM me, don't e-mail me, or don't call me unless you actually want to have a conversation. A simple transaction of information ("I'm engaged to a girl.") is not a sufficient reason to contact me. Don't talk to me unless you want to analyze shit and go into interesting detail, or at least moderately interesting detail.
2) Specifically, if you're going around IMing or calling or whatevering people you barely know to tell them that you've gotten engaged, you should be prepared to say more about your fiancee than just she's "a girl." Wow. Real informative, dipwad.
If you say you're getting married to someone, they should inspire more of a reaction in your heart than just she's "a girl," unless of course you're simply making the whole thing up. If your significant other is fictional, "she's a girl" is actually a relatively detailed response.
Person: Hi.
Me: Hi.
Person: 'sup?
Me: Nothing. What's new with you?
Person: ....nm......still engaged
I figured that was my cue to show polite interest, so I wrote back something like, "Oh, congrats, to who?" and figured the happy groom-to-be would be glad to tell me a little bit about this person, like how he knows her or what her name is or whatever. I naturally assumed I wouldn't know the person, but I figured my asking would elicit some kind of basic descriptive response on the part of said girl's future husband. But no.
Me: Oh, congrats, to who?
Person: A girl.
And that was the end of the conversation. I'm sorry, here's my problem with this conversation:
1) Don't IM me, don't e-mail me, or don't call me unless you actually want to have a conversation. A simple transaction of information ("I'm engaged to a girl.") is not a sufficient reason to contact me. Don't talk to me unless you want to analyze shit and go into interesting detail, or at least moderately interesting detail.
2) Specifically, if you're going around IMing or calling or whatevering people you barely know to tell them that you've gotten engaged, you should be prepared to say more about your fiancee than just she's "a girl." Wow. Real informative, dipwad.
If you say you're getting married to someone, they should inspire more of a reaction in your heart than just she's "a girl," unless of course you're simply making the whole thing up. If your significant other is fictional, "she's a girl" is actually a relatively detailed response.
Is Reading Week All That Stressful? Sam live-blogs.
Well, if you're the person down the hall from me then the answer is "Yes. Oh G-d Yes."
I came back to my dorm a few minutes ago and I heard what I thought was a saxophone squeaking. "Dang, this is annoying," I thought to myself, but wasn't concerned. But after the continuous saxophone shrieking continued for a full 5 minutes, I began to get concerned.
I went out into the hall and saw that a small crowd had gathered. By now the sax squeak has turned into full-blown yells of bloody murder, which my neighbor was able to sustain for minutes at a time. Eventually the screaming grew weaker and turned into a sort of sad and angry moan, with occasional bursts of all-out shrieking.
Finally we decided to knock on the door and ask if there was something any of could do to help....and the screaming/moaning stopped instantly. You could tell she was just sitting in silence waiting for us to go away. We waited a few minutes in the silence, then knocked again. And still no response. So we had no choice but to walk away.
.....
She's stopped screaming now, instead relying upon brief intermittent shrieks to let out her frustration. Occasionally I'm hearing squeaks that sound like some kind of Peruvian jungle monkey, if such a creature exists. And sometimes she sounds like crow, you know, going "CAW! CAW!" or whatever.
Ah, wait, no, the screaming is continuing. And now it sounds like she's throwing heavy objects at the walls. A couple of us out in the halls wonder if she's just having particularly loud sex. We can hear her typing though, so we know it's probably schoolwork related.
....
Finally we've tracked down a CA who knocks on her door, but again the screamer falls silent. He waits outside the door, saying weakly, "You know, I'm a CA so you should open the door.....yeah....." but the girl just waits in silence for the CA to go away. Which he eventually does.
And then the silence is broken yet again, this time by short bursts of profanity. "FUUUUUUCK!" she yells at the top of her lungs, so loudly that I bet people in Tokyo are wondering what the hell is going on. Then there's utter silence or a couple minutes. Then suddenly I hear a large object being thrown against the wall, and then, "SHIIIIIIIIT! DAMN IT!" And then the room falls silent again, except for the sound of a paper being typed.
Holy fuck, the cops are now in the hallway. There are POLICE OFFICERS IN MY HALLWAY!
----
So I heard the cops talking to the girl, who was sobbing, and apparently this is indeed a case of stress.
---
Okay, just got back upstairs from dinner, and on the way up the stairs I saw they had a friggin STRETCHER in the lobby, and that basically half of the town's fire department and paramedics are outside. I think they're taking the girl to the hospital.
All this cos of finals...
---
She's now arguing with the cops, she refuses to go to the hospital, they're calling for back-up....... you can HEAR the crazy in her voice. She's calling wildly for the police to sign a form that she wrote up, which they refuse. Finally they said, "What day of the week is it?" And she thought for a moment and said, "Wednesday."
It's Thursday.
---
Holy fuck, 5 paramedics just came running down our hall, and now they're dragging her out of her room by her arms.
--
I came back to my dorm a few minutes ago and I heard what I thought was a saxophone squeaking. "Dang, this is annoying," I thought to myself, but wasn't concerned. But after the continuous saxophone shrieking continued for a full 5 minutes, I began to get concerned.
I went out into the hall and saw that a small crowd had gathered. By now the sax squeak has turned into full-blown yells of bloody murder, which my neighbor was able to sustain for minutes at a time. Eventually the screaming grew weaker and turned into a sort of sad and angry moan, with occasional bursts of all-out shrieking.
Finally we decided to knock on the door and ask if there was something any of could do to help....and the screaming/moaning stopped instantly. You could tell she was just sitting in silence waiting for us to go away. We waited a few minutes in the silence, then knocked again. And still no response. So we had no choice but to walk away.
.....
She's stopped screaming now, instead relying upon brief intermittent shrieks to let out her frustration. Occasionally I'm hearing squeaks that sound like some kind of Peruvian jungle monkey, if such a creature exists. And sometimes she sounds like crow, you know, going "CAW! CAW!" or whatever.
Ah, wait, no, the screaming is continuing. And now it sounds like she's throwing heavy objects at the walls. A couple of us out in the halls wonder if she's just having particularly loud sex. We can hear her typing though, so we know it's probably schoolwork related.
....
Finally we've tracked down a CA who knocks on her door, but again the screamer falls silent. He waits outside the door, saying weakly, "You know, I'm a CA so you should open the door.....yeah....." but the girl just waits in silence for the CA to go away. Which he eventually does.
And then the silence is broken yet again, this time by short bursts of profanity. "FUUUUUUCK!" she yells at the top of her lungs, so loudly that I bet people in Tokyo are wondering what the hell is going on. Then there's utter silence or a couple minutes. Then suddenly I hear a large object being thrown against the wall, and then, "SHIIIIIIIIT! DAMN IT!" And then the room falls silent again, except for the sound of a paper being typed.
Holy fuck, the cops are now in the hallway. There are POLICE OFFICERS IN MY HALLWAY!
----
So I heard the cops talking to the girl, who was sobbing, and apparently this is indeed a case of stress.
---
Okay, just got back upstairs from dinner, and on the way up the stairs I saw they had a friggin STRETCHER in the lobby, and that basically half of the town's fire department and paramedics are outside. I think they're taking the girl to the hospital.
All this cos of finals...
---
She's now arguing with the cops, she refuses to go to the hospital, they're calling for back-up....... you can HEAR the crazy in her voice. She's calling wildly for the police to sign a form that she wrote up, which they refuse. Finally they said, "What day of the week is it?" And she thought for a moment and said, "Wednesday."
It's Thursday.
---
Holy fuck, 5 paramedics just came running down our hall, and now they're dragging her out of her room by her arms.
--
Thursday, December 4, 2008
OH WHAT A BEAUTIFUL MORNING!
I know some people I don't know read this blog, and I don't know if any of them are considering aliyah....but if you are, just know one thing:
I can tell you from experience that dealing with your family's reaction is going to suck. It just is.
People told me that my family would be more prepared for this "second" aliyah of mine....well, they wouldn't. And, in fact, the reaction from my parents is so negative this time that I'm seriously considering staying with friends for the month that I'll be in LA.
If you go back and read the archives on this blog and see how many references I make to crying, it might surprise you to hear that I'm actually not much of a crier. For example, one of my closest friends of the past 8 years has seen me cry all of once. And her response throughout the whole ordeal? "Oh my G-d.....oh my G-d....I've never seen you cry before! Oh my G-d.....!"
But basically the past 24 hours have been a cry fest. Just sitting in my room? Yup, I'm crying. Taking a shower? Yup, you betcha, I'm crying. Last night I tried watching "Bridget Jones" which was my "I had a bad day" movie in high school and....indeed, I was crying again.
I figured I'd get out of my room today and see a movie, and I picked "Australia." Usually during emotional movies my eyes might tear up a bit or something, but that's about it. Today though, for almost a full three hours I was crying. Thank G-d it was an empty matinee.
A new low for me though? Yes, I actually cried THROUGH THE FUCKING TRAILERS! No, the trailers were not particularly sad. It was more like, "Oh my gaa-aaaaaaadd, [*sob*] they have a [*sniff*] do-o-o-o-g!!!!! [*bawl*] And its name [*choke*] is [*sob*] Marle-hee-heeeeeeeee!!!!!"
Well, speaking of "Australia," I thought it had its flaws, but otherwise was just the kind of movie I wanted to see today. My big problem though is that I always associate Hugh Jackman with "Oklahoma!" See, in "X-Men" the urge to picture Wolverine bursting out and singing the title song is not as strong, since "X-Men" has little in common with "Oklahoma!" In fact, when I first found out that the guys from "Oklahoma!" and "X-Men" were the same guy, I totally didn't believe it. Wolverine is much too hairy.
Unfortunately for "Australia," the atmosphere of "Oklahoma!" is very similar. You know, country folk and cattle from an earlier time. So basically the entire film I was waiting for Hugh Jackman to start singing "Oh What a Beautiful Morning!"
....which, surprise surprise, never happened. So in the sense that Hugh Jackman never burst into a Rodgers and Hammerstein inspired musical number, "Australia" was extremely disappointing. But in the sense that the movie was 3 hours of a scruffy cowboy with a sexy accent walking around and doing things....the movie totally delivered.
But that scruffiness was another problem. If its cowboy-ish-ness made the film seem too much like "Oklahoma!" then the fact that Hugh Jackman was unbelievably filthy and hairy for the vast majority of the film made "Australia" too much like "X-Men." To the point where I was afraid Hugh Jackman's claws were suddenly going to spring out and slice up poor Nicole Kidman and totally destroy the romantic aspects of the film.
So, for better or for worse, Hugh Jackman never burst into song and never extended his claws. But go see the movie.
I can tell you from experience that dealing with your family's reaction is going to suck. It just is.
People told me that my family would be more prepared for this "second" aliyah of mine....well, they wouldn't. And, in fact, the reaction from my parents is so negative this time that I'm seriously considering staying with friends for the month that I'll be in LA.
If you go back and read the archives on this blog and see how many references I make to crying, it might surprise you to hear that I'm actually not much of a crier. For example, one of my closest friends of the past 8 years has seen me cry all of once. And her response throughout the whole ordeal? "Oh my G-d.....oh my G-d....I've never seen you cry before! Oh my G-d.....!"
But basically the past 24 hours have been a cry fest. Just sitting in my room? Yup, I'm crying. Taking a shower? Yup, you betcha, I'm crying. Last night I tried watching "Bridget Jones" which was my "I had a bad day" movie in high school and....indeed, I was crying again.
I figured I'd get out of my room today and see a movie, and I picked "Australia." Usually during emotional movies my eyes might tear up a bit or something, but that's about it. Today though, for almost a full three hours I was crying. Thank G-d it was an empty matinee.
A new low for me though? Yes, I actually cried THROUGH THE FUCKING TRAILERS! No, the trailers were not particularly sad. It was more like, "Oh my gaa-aaaaaaadd, [*sob*] they have a [*sniff*] do-o-o-o-g!!!!! [*bawl*] And its name [*choke*] is [*sob*] Marle-hee-heeeeeeeee!!!!!"
Well, speaking of "Australia," I thought it had its flaws, but otherwise was just the kind of movie I wanted to see today. My big problem though is that I always associate Hugh Jackman with "Oklahoma!" See, in "X-Men" the urge to picture Wolverine bursting out and singing the title song is not as strong, since "X-Men" has little in common with "Oklahoma!" In fact, when I first found out that the guys from "Oklahoma!" and "X-Men" were the same guy, I totally didn't believe it. Wolverine is much too hairy.
Unfortunately for "Australia," the atmosphere of "Oklahoma!" is very similar. You know, country folk and cattle from an earlier time. So basically the entire film I was waiting for Hugh Jackman to start singing "Oh What a Beautiful Morning!"
....which, surprise surprise, never happened. So in the sense that Hugh Jackman never burst into a Rodgers and Hammerstein inspired musical number, "Australia" was extremely disappointing. But in the sense that the movie was 3 hours of a scruffy cowboy with a sexy accent walking around and doing things....the movie totally delivered.
But that scruffiness was another problem. If its cowboy-ish-ness made the film seem too much like "Oklahoma!" then the fact that Hugh Jackman was unbelievably filthy and hairy for the vast majority of the film made "Australia" too much like "X-Men." To the point where I was afraid Hugh Jackman's claws were suddenly going to spring out and slice up poor Nicole Kidman and totally destroy the romantic aspects of the film.
So, for better or for worse, Hugh Jackman never burst into song and never extended his claws. But go see the movie.
Wednesday, December 3, 2008
Let's play guess what the hell this says in Hebrew
Was reading the "רכילות" section of ynet when I came across this caption:
וואן ביג הפי פמילי
And for a solid minute I kept trying to sound it out to no avail. And FINALLY it dawned on me:
One Big Happy Family!
Jeez, you'd think reading transliterated English would be easier than actual Hebrew, but NO!
וואן ביג הפי פמילי
And for a solid minute I kept trying to sound it out to no avail. And FINALLY it dawned on me:
One Big Happy Family!
Jeez, you'd think reading transliterated English would be easier than actual Hebrew, but NO!
Tuesday, December 2, 2008
I now have a visa, a flight, and I'm no longer a college student (starting next week). AND MY PARENTS KNOW.
Turns out the ulpan in Jerusalem is full, which is actually good news for me since I didn't want to live in Jerusalem in the first place--the aliyah center lady just sort of decided I should go there. So now I'm thinking of going to Haifa, my fantasy city on a hill, and finding a room, and......WHAT COMES NEXT?!?!?!?!
HOLY FUCKING BALLS THIS IS EXCITING!
"Nothing good can come of this!" --dad
"Did it ever occur to you that it sucks to live in Israel so THAT'S why they're gonna pay you for immigrating?! I mean, WE got people climbing the fucking fences to get in." --dad
Turns out the ulpan in Jerusalem is full, which is actually good news for me since I didn't want to live in Jerusalem in the first place--the aliyah center lady just sort of decided I should go there. So now I'm thinking of going to Haifa, my fantasy city on a hill, and finding a room, and......WHAT COMES NEXT?!?!?!?!
HOLY FUCKING BALLS THIS IS EXCITING!
"Nothing good can come of this!" --dad
"Did it ever occur to you that it sucks to live in Israel so THAT'S why they're gonna pay you for immigrating?! I mean, WE got people climbing the fucking fences to get in." --dad
Monday, December 1, 2008
BOKER TOV, CHICAGO!
I will say, as much as I hate Chicago and its weather.......there's is absolutely nothing like going to sleep when it's rainy and ugly out only to wake up and find that it is COMPLETELY white and snowy outside. Beautiful! Unfortunately, I have to walk through it this morning and drive through it this afternoon, so the beauty is short-lived.
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