HiThisIsOshratFromTheLishkatGiyusAndINeedToVerifyYourContactDetails!

Today I got a call from the Lishkat Giyus to verify and update my educational details and also to confirm that my parents still had not joined me here in Israel (which would mean that I would get less financial help from the army). I swear, this woman must have been on speed or something, because she was talking like….I guess the only way to describe it would be like….she talked like she had to recite the U.S. Constitution (including amendments) in three seconds because the world was ending. Except in Hebrew.

What struck me as particularly idiotic in the whole exchange was that I was clearly having trouble understanding her, yet she did not slow down. I mean, sure, I’d be pissed off if she were patronizingly slow and loud, but there’s a happy medium of speaking clearly and at a reasonable pace. The worst part was at the end when she ran off a list of all my contact details (address, phone numbers, etc etc), and then asked if this was correct. In all that jumble I think I might have heard my street name and a couple numbers I recognized, so I just said yes. Hopefully that’s all true…


So as I surely must have mentioned, my family (or most of it) is coming to visit in June. Yesterday I asked my mother if my Catholic brother (the oldest) would be coming, but my mother said he has a summer job and he really needs the money cos he’s in law school and getting married in August. I jokingly suggested that she should plan an additional family visit to Israel over Christmas that my Catholic brother could come on so that he “can hang out with his friend Jesus.” And, bizarrely, my mother thought this was a great idea, so now in addition to our Jewish Israel Family Vacation in June (minus maybe a couple church visits with my dad), we’re also going to have a Christian Israel Family Vacation for Christmas in which we’ll hit up all the Jesus sites. Best of all? Assuming all goes to plan, my brother will be married by then, so his wife will be here too. With the new addition of my brother’s wife, my family (meaning people with my last name that are still alive) will be exactly half Jewish (me, mom, haredi brother) and half Christian (protestant dad, catholic brother, catholic sister-in-law). Anyway…should be an interesting dynamic. I always joke with my brothers that I’m such a nomad that I’ll end up marrying a Bedouin, but maybe now I’ll actually try to go through with it just so that the family’s religious dynamic can get even more interesting…


All of this just made me think of what on Earth members of my family who have passed away would think, of my brother’s devout Catholicism, of my brother’s Orthodox Judaism, and of my Zionism. Specifically, I think about what my paternal grandparents would think about me living in Israel. I don’t really think about what my grandpa on that side would think, cos unfortunately I barely remember him, but I constantly think about what my granny would think. The last time I saw her I was 12, and since she lived 2000 miles away I didn’t get to see her all that often before then. So it’s put me in this annoying position of remembering her well enough that I’d be concerned about what she would think about how I live my life, but not knowing or remembering her well enough that I could actually determine how she would feel about how I live my life. Unfortunately, the last time I saw her was it was Christmas, so whenever I think about her I remember the Christmas decorations, the snow, the music on the radio, the Christmas-themed presents, etc etc….and I automatically think that, whatever you want to call what I’m doing here in Israel, I’m probably not doing what she would have wanted me to do. I’m guessing my orthodox brother probably isn’t either.
At the same time though, I clearly remember her telling me in her ridiculous southern accent, “Honey, you can do whatever the heck you want….long as you don’t kill anybody.” Granted, this was in response to my asking for permission to drink a Pepsi in her living room, but since this is pretty much the only thing I can remember my granny saying, I like to think of it as her giving general permission to do what I want in life. Including being Jewish, living in a foreign country, and joining a foreign army.

Oh man. Thinking about all of this has kind of brought me down a bit. Pure positive stuff? Seder night I’m going to Tel Aviv with a couple friends from ulpan for a seder with the family of one of my friends…so that should be fun. Also, tomorrow I’m planning on sleeping ridiculously late, so that’s also good news. More good news? My parents are shipping me over a couple pairs of gap jeans since all the pants in this country are totally weird. G-d, I can’t wait until the Israel gap store opens up….I think it opens in the fall, no? I think I could live in this country for the rest of my life and still think the clothing here is weird.