Tourism and a random Zohan quote

Community Watch Guy: “I’m terrified right now, totally terrified. ‘Shitting my pants’ doesn’t come close to describing it. I wish I WAS shitting my pants, that’s how I feel.”

Zohan: It’s just a patrol.

Community Watch Guy: “What if something goes down? I don’t know if I have the courage to do something about it. What if something goes down and I didn’t do something and someone got killed? I would have to live with that. I mean, that’s….I’d…I’d be happier shitting my pants. Much happier.”

--You Don’t Mess With The Zohan.




Two tourists at a bus stop. A short man in a baseball cap, high Thorlo socks, shorts and button down shirt kept nervously glancing at the sign with all the bus numbers, then glancing back down at his map while groaning with frustration.
His wife, wearing a long flowy skirt with sandals and an old lady tank top tried to calm him down. “Marvin…the man said to take the 18.”
This seemed to irritate Marvin for some reason. “Well, damnit Maggie, do you SEE an 18 on the sign?”
“Don’t get snippy with me,” Maggie said very quietly, “I’m only telling you what the man said…”
Marvin just let out a frustrated groan, paused for a bit, then took another wild glance at the sign. “Well, you’re not a lot of help.”
Maggie let out a quiet sigh and said, “I’m sorry, I’m just a little bit turned around.”

“Turned around.” Not lost, but simply turned around. The phrase reminds me of my parents. Well, not my dad. My dad doesn’t get lost. Drop the man blindfolded in deserted outer Siberia or in the Amazon, and within minutes he’ll be able to tell you EXACTLY how to get to the nearest luxury hotel, or (if he’s hungry) the nearest McDonald’s that is still serving breakfast.

But my mom….the woman has no sense of direction, and whenever you call her out on it (“Mom, our house is down the street, how do you not know where we are???”) she lets out a quiet sigh and says, “I’m just…just a bit turned around.”
No, ‘lost’ would imply that the woman is a blind idiot when it comes to directions and surroundings, but ‘turned around”……It’s passive, like my mother had no control over the situation, but what is the active agent?
‘Turned around.” Like my mother was at a birthday party playing Pin The Tail On The Donkey or swinging at a piñata, and an adult blindfolded her, spun her around several times, and THEN told her to move towards the target. That is ‘turned around.’ So when my mother is lost in the middle of New York, or England, or even within our own neighborhood in Los Angeles, and she sighs and says that she’s ‘turned around,’ she’s implying that some kind of outside, malevolent spirit has blindfolded her, turned her around, and THEN told her to find our destination, so OF COURSE she can’t find it. Like evil fairies have come out of the woods for the sole purpose of turning my mother around and getting her lost. Which explains the sigh that always accompanies the expression, “I’m turned around.” The sigh is my mother’s way of saying, “Oh great, not again, those fucking assholes turned me around again. Great, just my luck.”
Aw….I miss my parents….