What is this "apolis?"

I'm sorry, but just to boost my damaged ego I think it's time for me to make fun of someone's English.

And I actually feel like a total bitch doing this because this is the one person at work who's actually really nice to me--actually, today for some reason EVERYONE was nice to me, but this one is actually always nice.

Her problem is that she pronounces words near-perfectly, and they're usually words that would come from someone with a refined vocabulary--maybe not "refined," but they're definitely not words you'd be learning in the English equivalent of Kita Alef.

She says things like, "You have packaged my labor. I thank, but you comprehend I find my projects a release."

I mean, take every word individually and I understand perfectly. She has a GREAT accent. But I have no idea what the fuck she's saying.

Actually, now that I think about it, I think she was saying basically, "Thanks for doing my work, but you should just know that I enjoy working because it is a great stress reliever or something." Or maybe she was telling me she hates me. I don't know.

It's so stressful for me because I'm always trying to figure out what the hell she means, but I don't want to be mean or insulting.....

Today she said to me, "You were being in the holiday?" And I froze because I had no idea what the fuck she was talking about. I knew that we just had Shavuot, but I didn't understand how I could be "in" a holiday. And then my mind kind of drifted off into imagination land and I started to imagine how I COULD have been "in" a holiday. I imagined a Biblical me being part of the story of Shavuot, and then I imagined that somehow my life got messed up and stuck in a timewarp and my life was like Brigadoon except instead of coming out every 100 years, I only came out of the mists every year on Shavuot. She caught that I had kind of zoned out, so she repeated, "You were being in the holiday?" And then I admitted that I didn't understand what she meant. She said, "On the kibbutz? You were in the holiday in the kibbutz?" Oh! Was I on the kibbutz??? yes...... fuck, i feel bad now....


Today an American walked in and when he left, she asked me where he was from. I responded Maryland, and she started asking me what's in Maryland. And I said, "Well, there's Annapolis...." She nodded as if she understood, and we resumed work.

A few minutes later, she says, "Sam, tell me: what is an "apolis?" "

"A what?"

"An 'apolis.' You said Maryland had an apolis. What is this 'apolis?' "


Oh my goodness. I so badly wanted to laugh. Sooooo badly. But I didn't. Because I'm nice.


Anyway, all of this made me feel a little better about myself and it's helping me to accept that there are going to be many times ahead of me where I sound like a retard in Hebrew, but I just need to remember that MANY people sound like idiots in foreign langauges.

The End.