I'm not gonna lie...cosmonauts...I hate cosmonauts.

"German Boy, your farts could kill a room full of Arabs. I think that's what your job's gonna be in the army." --one of The Americans.


Today the French guy was ranting about the love of his life and how he's going to win her back. At the end of his explanation, he stood up from his chair and screamed in English: "I AM ZE CHAMPION!!!" And then he sat back down in his chair....but with a little too much gusto. He flipped over, and also took out the table behind him. Oh man...... We did a re-enactment of it and caught it on film, which I hope to upload at some point, but I just wanted to write this down so that whenever I feel sad I can think about this. It was almost as ridiculous as the Pink Packaging Peanuts Man in terms of things I've seen...

From age fifteen:

"Down the street, there was this man carrying HUGE bags of bright pink packing peanuts. And since they were so big and cumbersome, you couldn't see him, you could only see his feet sticking out below. And he was kicking a HUGE roll of bubble wrap ahead of him cos he had no free hands. It was seriously the funniest thing I've ever seen in my life. It was just this levitating being of packing peanuts kicking a roll of bubble wrap. I pointed, screamed, "OH MY GOD--LOOK!" and then I fell off my chair laughing."

It's one of those things that you have to see to appreciate it, but I'm gonna appreciate it for the rest of my life.

This has kind of put me on a nostalgic turn, and so I just want to put together a couple moments of my pre-Israel life:

"Last night I woke up at 4 am to hear the front doorknob clicking and Dolley growling at the door. I thought to myself, this would be a good time to go arm myself. So I hid in a dark corner of my room, beanie on head and softball bat in arms. First I sprinted across the hallway to go poke Dingo until he woke up, figuring that he would maul anyone who tried to hurt me. "Kill, Dingo!" I whispered. "Attack!" He just grunted and fell back asleep. Then slowly I crept around the house with this very large metal bat, checking for intruders and wishing I knew where the gun was. Checking the windows. I figured if anything was going to try to kill me, at least I'd go out beating the living shit out of it."

"I saw a classical concert tonight with my dad. The Disney Concert Hall inside looks like the mouth of a lizard, filled with people it's trying to eat. Some people sit on the side, clinging for dear life, not wanting to be swallowed completely by the lizard. And the pipes of the organ look like menacing buck teeth, and it makes the audience want to tell the orchestra, "LOOK OUT!!!!" as they're about to be bitten off. During La Mer (one of the first pieces they did), you can totally just hear where the pirates come. Then there was Swan Lake and I could just imagine the conductor waltzing with the lead violin lady, wearing a poofy green gown. The violinist wearing one, i mean. not him. Right before the first piece, you know, the audience is quiet and it's right before the conductor does that downbeat thing......this guy behind my dad did a good long 5 second blast fart and I burst out laughing.....I thought it was my dad, but it turns out it wasn't."

"The closing of Waldenbooks is a bit like the sinking of the Titanic. You know, the band just kept playing as the ship went down. That's kind of what the employees of this book store are doing. They're not acting like doom is right about to hit them. They just keep assisting people and smiling, knowing that their store is closing this month, knowing that they're going to lose their jobs. But they keep smiling and helping. Just like the Titanic band."


anyway....(9.9.05 and 2.8.05), i just wanted to share. because im bored.

AND
I've been feeling really nostalgic. I just watched my team, the LA Galaxy, tie with Chivas. And I was sad I wasn't home. But at the same time, I don't want to go home. It's becoming easier and easier to imagine staying here in Israel for a long time, if not for the rest of my life. I just can't wait to get off this fucking kibbutz.