I SPEAK ENGLISH!

So today I was at the family's house. And the mom left and put the little boy (who speaks not a single word of English) in front of the TV to learn some English while she left for a bit. So I come downstairs and sit on the couch next to the little boy, and he tells me he wants to watch a different video. I told him that it has to be an English one because his mom wants him to learn English. I ask him which movies are in English, and he immediately points to this video.

The woman on the front is basically wearing a suit made out of an American flag. She's apparently called "Suzie." So the movie starts and IMMEDIATELY you can tell it's 80's or at least early 90's quality. This energetic song comes on, and (this is not me making this up) here are the lyrics in their entirety:

"I SPEAK ENGLISH! I SPEAK ENGLISH!
ANI MDABERET ANGLIT!"

Over. And over again. It was worse than the guys who say "Tel Aviv" at the Jerusalem bus stop, except Suzie breathes. Except, even worse, Suzie has 80's style music, and flashing lights, and dancing people. I SPEAK ENGLISH, she screams to the world. Briefly she slips into Hebrew and informs the Israeli audience that she speaks English. But fearing that perhaps they won't believe her if she says it in Hebrew, she returns to English and tells us again:

"I SPEAK ENGLISH! I SPEAK ENGLISH!"



I learned some cute little slavic cultural thing yesterday which my American friends (hey Abraham!) might find interesting. When there's an awkward pause or quiet lull in a conversation, it is said that a policeman is born. This is what the Ukrainian and Russian told me yesterday. I said, "WHAT??" And the Ukrainian repeated, "Yes, a policeman is born when we don't talk to each other." And the Russian added, "And a Jew dies."



Also, told my parents almost directly that I'm joining hte army. I said, "After ulpan I think I'll join the army." I made it sound like it was still an open option (which it really isn't anymore). And they freaked out. Wow were they angry. But they think it's just something I'm CONSIDERING.... so.... um...this is a problem.