This is the part where I start singing the Frank Sinatra song. I did it myyyyyyy waaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyy

Well folks, here’s the final deal:

Brief Version: I’m going home in two weeks, back to school to do my last two years.

Long Version is as follows--


I called the university, expecting I would have to beg to get back in. I prepared to use some methods I learned in Israel of not being a total pushover, because I thought it would be a fight. Technically I’m past the deadline for being able to come back for this quarter (which starts at the end of September), and so I thought there would be a big bureaucracy fight. I thought it would be like the nightmare of trying to get into the army or of trying to get a visa.

No. I leave a message on the answering machine of the dean’s office, and thirty minutes later I get a call. The woman on the other end is out of breath and she says to me in this chirpy Midwestern accent, “All right, kiddo, I got your re-enrollment form and I’m walkin’ it down to the registrar’s office RIGHT NOW.” Which is like almost a mile.

Call this a ridiculous statement, but the fact that someone I don’t know was willing to walk a mile out of their way within 30 minutes of my asking for help….it made me feel really good about going back to school, back to the US. Especially since this is the Midwest we are talking about, so the woman on the other end of the line was probably an obese woman clad in leggings and a baggy sweatshirt with a puppy or kitten or something stupid printed on it. So the thought of her rushing a mile to the opposite end of the campus just brings a smile to my face. G-d do I miss the Midwest….

I called the army people and getting out of it was surprisingly easy. Call me an idiot, but I thought it would be fairly easy to get into the friggin army in a country where army service is mandatory and where the army is an actual useful and important factor in the country’s existence. And, call me an idiot, I thought it’d be harder to get out of army service once I agreed to do it. But no. For all the frustrating conversations I had begging for information, begging for appointments, etc etc…..I simply had to say, “I have to go back to the US almost immediately,” and I am no longer obligated to the Israeli army. Granted, I’m no expert in the US Army, but something tells me that it’s the exact opposite in the US. They’re begging for people to join the army with all those fucking commercials, and if I had tried to pull that stunt in the US (“Um, sorry guys, I can’t join the army anymore.”) the response would be a mighty, “Aw, HELL no!”

So basically I’m re-enrolled at my university for this September. Thinking of maybe majoring in French or Classics, but obviously I still want to keep learning Hebrew. I haven’t entirely given up on the aliyah thing, but I think I need to finish school first. I think taking some time off was a good thing, but now I know what I want and what I need. For the next two years I want to learn as much Hebrew as possible AND get a degree in something. I want to save some money. And then after two years, if I still want, maybe I’ll come back to Israel and try to make it worth. Maybe I’ll try to come with a friend or a family member, if I can talk them into it. And this time I know not to go to a kibbutz.


So on September 8th I fly back to the US. Sometime around 10 or 10.30 pm PST I should be walking through my front door for the first time since April 22nd. I’ll spend like a week or so in LA chilling with my familia, playing with my dogs, and packing for school, and after that I’m getting in the car with my dad and we’re beginning the trek to Chicago. I’m kind of excited. We both love country music and singing along to said country music, and we’ll also be driving through the American frontier, so it’ll be pretty badass. I mean, I can only out-diva the Women of the Wash in my head, but my dad has an awesome voice and can legit out-diva people, so it should be pretty fun. Especially since, you know, when you’re going through places like Kansas or Nebraska or whatever, you can pretty much sing as loud as you fucking want to and there’s no one around you to give you shit for it. Also, I’ve been out of the country music loop for the past 4/5 months, so it’ll be nice to see what I’ve been missing. I’ve actually already made us a playlist, hahaha. I’m so ready.
At first my mom didn’t want me to do a driving trip, but I made this whole speech over the phone about “What America is to Me.” It was like something they have you write in elementary school. I said some shit about me loving America best when I’m in the car driving through the countryside, through the heart of America, with country music cranked up. And I told her that doing this would remind me of my roots and would prevent me from returning to Israel. So almost immediately she was like, “Fine, yes, go do a driving trip.”


Wanna know my class schedule? No? Then don’t read this blog. This is what I’m going to try to enroll in:

1) Intro to French Lit in French
2) French Lit of Existentialism in Translation (or whatever the class is called)
3) Latin (We’re reading/translating my fave book: THE AENEID! If that’s not a sign that I was meant to be at school for this quarter, I don’t know what is!)
4) Classics: We’re learning something about Aristotle and Greece or some shit like that.
5) Hebrew. Prolly Level 2. Dunno though since I haven’t heard back from Edna.

Yes, I realize that I’m a Radio/TV/Film Major technically, but I figure that this quarter I’m gonna learn whatever the fuck I want and next quarter I’ll worry about graduating. I don’t think I want to study RTVF, I think I want to do languages and classics. I know for a fact that I’m gonna have to go to summer school next summer, and maybe even the summer after senior year……
This is prolly gonna fuck me over later, but I don’t really care. Something will turn up.

Tomorrow is my last day of folding laundry. I’m trying to think of something dramatic to do, like making all the sorting shelves collapse so that all the kibbutzniks’ laundry ends up in a gargantuan heap on the dirty floor. Or maybe I’ll fold clothing like I’m doing my work normally, but when I put the clothing into cubbies, I’ll just put them in all the wrong ones. Or maybe I’ll just do my fucking work…..
Thursday is my last day of class. After that I’ll pack my bags because on Friday I’m leaving for a last grand tour of Israel. From this Friday until next Sunday I want to see Tiberias, Tzfat, Tel Aviv, Jerusalem, and (of course) Haifa. Maybe I’ll even stop over and see what’s going on in the West Bank just for the hell of it, seeing as I don’t know when I’ll be back this way
On Sunday (not this Sunday, but the 7th of September) I return to the kibbutz to do a final wrap up of my shit and make sure all my stuff is ready to fly……early on September 8th I leave for the airport…….and onward to the United States!

What am I excited about? Christians. I don’t know why. All I know is that when I see Campus Crusade for Christ once I get back to Chicago, I want to run up to them and fling my Jew arms around them. Appalled, they’ll try to pry my arms off of their necks, and I’ll say, “No no, please, I missed you trying to convert me!!!”

What else I am excited about? The earnest naivety of Americans. And please don’t think I’m talking about other Americans as if I think I’m superior—I too have that same American earnest naivety. Do you know what I mean when I say that? Just look for it in your American self and your American friends and you’ll see it

Is there stuff I’m going to miss about Israel? Yes. Of course. I don’t want to list it right now cos that will make leaving even harder. I’m pretty sure I want to eventually try to come back, but I think I still have unfinished biznatch in the US that I need to take care of.

You know what I’m most excited about? Being able to tell my parents everything. Telling them that I tried to join the army even after I told them and they told me no, and telling them about trying to get an olah visa at the beginning, and basically all that shit that I kept from them.

Right now I’m listening to “Sir Duke” by Stevie Wonder, because that’s the song I associate with Chicago. Listen to it, and if you know Chicago maybe you’ll see what I mean.
My freshman year of college I was in the airport with my parents, we had just arrived to move me in, and we were waiting to be taken to our rental car. We got on the rental car bus, and “Sir Duke” was playing. And the music just made me think of the buildings and about how Chicago is and how I was so happy to be in Chicago and how I was so happy to be starting my first real-life adventure called college……I stood up and started dancing. Like a total dweeb, just completely happy. Like, I legit got up and started dancing on the bus. My mom was like, “Sammy, sit down, you’re embarrassing us!” but my dad was laughing and clapping along. Anyway, I’m happy to be thinking about that and about this song and about Chicago, cos I am quite lucky. Why? After two years, I was starting to get sick of a city that I always adored. But now after taking a short break, I feel excited and ready to go back for at least another two years. really, that alone (besides the valuable life experiences and learning opportunities) has made this Israel experience worthwhile.


It’s exciting to me that people, even complete strangers, read this blog. (Red, not reed.) I think I’ll keep up the blog even back in LA/Chicago because I don’t think the aliyah/yeridah story is quite over yet. I think there’s going to be a lot of “recovery” and a lot of wondering “what if?” but also a lot of “Wow, did I miss home!” Feel free to keep reading, but I can’t promise that the blog will stay Israel-focused. As much as I love this country, there’s only so much pining for Israel that I can stand to write. You’ll probably hear a bit about what it’s like post-quasi-aliyah, but more likely you’ll hear about people I saw vomiting on the El in Chicago, about the people who threw cans at me from moving vehicles while I walked to class, and about being chased by armless homeless men. (All of which happened during my freshman year of college.) I hope y’all stay tuned.


Most important lesson I learned in all of this? There’s no place like home. Or rather, there’s no place like 4 hours by plane from your home but that’s kind of in itself your home.
Also, I remember the basic gist but I’m probably not quoting this correctly from the TV show Arrested Development:
Michael: “What did we always say is the most important thing?”
George-Michael: “Breakfast.”
Michael: “No. Family.”



Roommate: “I don’t think Hebrew is as expressive as English.”
Me: “All I know is, I don’t trust languages that don’t have a word for ‘is.’ “

Roommate: “What’s a BM? A ‘Bed Mistress?’ “
Me: “Um….’Bowel Movement.’ “



Songs of the Moment:
Bad Bad Leroy Brown
Sir Duke
Telephone Lines (by ELO)
Vienna (Billy Joel)
Chariots of Fire (BWO)
How Do You Like Me Now?! (Toby Keith)
Con te partiro (Andrea Bocelli) –This always a song of the moment for me, whether I’m in the car, in my room, or on a balcony overlooking a crowd of people. It’s kind of like my own personal “Don’t Cry for Me Argentina.”

And, just for the hell of it:
The YMCA
“But you’ve got to know this one thing: NO man does it all by himself.”
(Yes, looking for meaning in the YMCA)


I'm thinking I have to learn all the words to "My Way" because I feel like there are so many opportunities where if you just started belting it, it'd be totally appropriate.