Sex and farts.

So my uncle drove down from Northern California today to visit my grandparents (his parents, duh!), and he's staying next to my room in my brother's room (the brother who is in Israel at the moment). And right now I'm hyper-aware of all the little noises I make that I normally don't notice. For example, when I shift in my chair, it sounds like I'm ripping loud, wet farts. And I'm a fidget, so I make that noise a lot. It's VERY loud and you can definitely hear it from down the hall. When it's just one of my brothers down the hall, I don't particularly care that they think I'm farting up a storm because they are my brothers, and farts are not only welcome in my immediate family but actually sources of pride. So right now my uncle probably thinks I have severe intestinal issues.

Also, my bed is broken. Once in 9th grade a bunch of friends were over and they all sat on my bed and......well, now my bed is broken. So basically now whenever you lie in my bed and you cough, shift slightly, or even just breathe, the springs go SQUEAKY SQUEAKY! It basically sounds like someone is having angry and enthusiastic sex in my bed, but really someone's just breathing shallowly. Everyone in my immediate family is aware of this and knows that I'm not doing something dirty in my bed, but an infrequent guest does not know this.....

ALSO: I talk in my sleep. Sometimes very loudly.


I'm going to be quite red in the face tomorrow at breakast.