For my first trick....

So before I get the hang of this whole blog thing, I'm going to import some notes from facebook. Yes, yes, I know I should be writing all-original material here, but since I'm stuck sitting at home for the next three weeks with nothing to do, I figure I have nothing better to do.

Henyways....here's an episode that happened the day after I got back from my short stay in Israel:

I just wanted to quickly discuss a growing problem in my life. I had forgotten about it in Israel, because I was so clearly a foreigner there, but now I've been back in the states for a day and I can see that things haven't changed. I'm talking, of course, about the fact that strangers frequently start conversations with me with "Do you speak English?"

This NEVER used to happen to me, but in the past couple of months I've heard it about five times! Today I was sitting in a mall and a lady plopped down on the bench next to me. The first words out of her mouth? "Do you speak English?"

I wanted to be like, "Lady, I'm sitting in a mall in the middle of friggin VIRGINIA, and I'm reading Cosmo. I'm wearing Levi's, big ass sneakers, and I'm fat. How the hell could I NOT be American, and how the hell could I NOT speak English???"

Except I just said, "Yes."

The lady then told me a fascinating tale of how she lost her cell phone. She told me about her escapades in a hat store, which surprised me, because I didn't know stores still existed that sold exclusively hats. She suddenly found her cell phone and announced, "Well, I'm going to pee and then get on the train to go home to Maryland."

"Oh," I said.

"Yes," she continued. "It's real important to pee before getting onto the train to Maryland, cos if you gotta pee on the way to maryland.....I mean......I hate having to go tot he bathroom when I'm stuck on the train. It's a baaaaaaaad feelin'. Baaaaaaaaad feelin' all right......."

I nodded in agreement that having to dispose of urine while stuck on a medium-length train ride would bother anyone.

The lady then stood up, patted my shoulder and said, "Okay. I'll pee now. You have yourself a safe evening, all right?" She then gathered up her bags and coats and hats and her found cell phone, and finally hurried off to the bathroom to pee before getting on the train to Maryland.

And THAT, my good friends, is what happened on my first day back from Israel.