Super Nanny in 10

Today during a class break I sat down to read a couple copies of The Jerusalem Post. And my roommate says that she wants to go do something, and I said I'd actually just prefer to have a nice sit and read something in English. And she calls out, "Jeez, you're always READING!" as if reading were such an annoying habit. As if it were criticism.

So I was just like, fuck this. I don't need to be criticized for reading the fucking news of the country I now live in and want to call home. So without thinking and without looking up from my papers, I blurted out, "Yeah? Well you never read, and look how you turned out."

You know when you say something, and then you freeze immediately after saying something, almost like you're hoping that if you stand absolutely still the person might not see you, or maybe you'd slip into an alternate reality or something. You're really hoping for some extreme salvation. I didn't look up from my papers cos I thought maybe it would turn out that my roommate was actually a trick of the light or some shit like that.


I kind of stand by my statement though. During class we were reading an article on Ron Arad, and one of the words we didn't recognize in Hebrew was like famished or starved or something. And the substitute teacher tried to explain it to us in Hebrew, and she's like, "It's when you don't have enough food and you're hungry and skinny and blahblahblah." And my roommate was like, "Anorexic?" And I wanted to smack her for being so stupid, but I kept silent. I mean, even by guessing standards, that's pretty retarded. Granted, in any other context anorexic would have been a decent guess, but this is a captive we're talking about, and my guess is that someone who is being held captive would not intentionally deprive himself of food. I dont know, maybe there's something I'm missing though...

It's really starting to piss me off though. All the time she tries to "out-Israeli" us, but at the same time she doesn't know anything about Israel. "Who's Ehud Olmert?" "What's the Knesset?" "What three captured soldiers?" It just pisses me off. Pick up a fucking newspaper once in a while! I mean, I'm hardly the most informed person, but even I make sure I have basic information of what the fuck is going on.

Also, the Mexicans ripped a huge fart in class today. The substitute was introducing herself and the two of them were being kind of antsy, like kids in elementary school are when there's a sub. And then suddenly one of them, in the middle of the sub's sentence, rips the BIGGEST fart I have ever heard in my entire life. And I could not stop laughing. Like, uncontrollably, to the point where I cried, broke a sweat, and thought I was going to pee my pants. I have no idea why I find this so funny..... And even though my roommate and I were kind of pissy with each other today, she said she couldn't stop laughign because she thought it was just so funny that I, of all people, was laughing. "But you're so mature usually!" she said, while choking back giggles. I wanted to be like, you obviously have not discovered my blog, because today I'm publishing a story about Mexican farts and yesterday I mentioned that I was afraid of spilling a cup of pee everywhere.


Anyway, so today I ended up going over to the family's house to teach the girls some more English. It was cool. I taught the youngest girl to recognize A through G, and I finished the cursive alphabet with the oldest. The middle girl taught me the TV schedule, hahaha. (Super Nanny is on in 10 minutes!!!). Then they invited me to stay for dinner, and so I did.

The dad came home, and at first I was really freaked out. I'm afraid of most of my friends' fathers, because a lot of them are cold or scary or whatever. There was one father I knew when I was 5 years old who used to make me cry whenever he entered the room because I thought he was so scary.

Oh man though. I like this dad. He came in and was like making fun of his kids, then he made fun of me, but at the same time made me feel like a welcome part of the family. Haha, it was awesome.

They kept putting food under me, and I thought I was going to burst. They gave me a pudding cup (I thought pudding was only for breakfast! WHAT A DEVELOPMENT THIS IS!!!!!), and the oldest girl said she also wanted one. But they had given me the last one. So i told the girl that I was actually really full (which was true), and that she could just take mine. So she agreed, but as she reached for it, the dad smacked her hand and was like, "No no no, she's just being polite--this is what they do in America! They have manners! You can learn something from our American friend here!" And then he turns to me and is like, "Tell her that you have manners in America. You learn to be polite in America, not like in Israel! Right?"

Hahhaha, I love this family.