What, you think you can just walk in here and do whatever painful medical procedure you'd like on yourself?

Today did not start off well, I’ll tell you that. Things are looking up though.

So I called my health clinic this morning, and they still can’t do blood tests. But they told me to go to this clinic place a little farther away and that I could just do it there. So I got on the bus, and ended up having to walk about a mile from where I got off simply because there was no convenient bus to take.

Finally I made it to the clinic and said to the women at the desk that I needed a blood test. They asked for a referral form from my doctor, and I said I had none, just the informal note that the army enlistment center wrote me. Then the surly Russian woman snapped at me, “What, you think you can just come in here and do whatever blood tests you want?”

She acted like I were some kind of movie star who thought the world revolved around her, like a movie star who apparently thinks she can just waltz right in and do whatever blood tests she wants just cos she’s famous or something….

Yeah, cos I do blood tests for fun.

It’s really fun going in on low blood sugar and then having to sit there for about a half hour as you get jabbed in 5 different places since no one can find your veins, and then you have to sit for another half hour to fill up the vials because your blood flow is so goddamn thick and slow. Yeah, that’s my idea of a good time. Oh my G-d, I’m getting a rush just thinking about it.


So then I walked outside, feeling kind of hopeless. Fuck. Nothing seems to be going right. And right on Derech Hebron, a very busy street, I just started crying. It was humiliating. Seriously, people of Israel, I just want to join your fucking army, can you give me a fucking break for like two minutes?


So then I waited for the bus for like 20 minutes…and then it turns out that the place I had to get off at was like two stops away, I just didn’t realize it. But then I didn’t want people to think I was lazy, so I stayed on for two extra stops and then backtracked.

I went to my health clinic and explained the situation, that I needed a referral from them to take to the other clinic. My doctor then said in a thick Russian accent, “I didn’t understand.” Which was really worrying. But then I explained again and handed her the informal note from the army center.

Like the Russian woman before her, my Russian doctor snapped at me and said (using almost the exact same words), “What, you think you can just come in here and do whatever blood tests you want?”

She went on to explain that I needed to wait for my official letter from the army (which, according to the army center, was not even sent until today!) that asks for a blood test. Oh G-d. I just buried my face in my hands and just felt so fed up.

Then all of the sudden my doctor’s tone changed, got much softer and kinder, and she said, “Wait. Maybe I can do something.”

After a couple minutes of typing she handed me an “invitation” form to come back to the clinic tomorrow for a blood test. And she said that even if there were still no nurses in the clinic that she’d do it herself. And she said, not to worry, in a couple days they would have the results and they’d be able to send it directly to the army center. I looked up at her, unable to believe my luck, and she shook her finger at me in warning, “Now next time you have to have a proper form, but,” and here she smiled, “this time I’ll help you.”

OMG OMG OMG, I love my doctor. I wanted to leap across her desk and give her an enormous hug, but instead I settled on just saying thank you over and over again. Seriously, ONE person giving you a fucking break once in a while when everything else seems to go wrong…that ONE person can make you feel 100% better.

Well folks…pray that tomorrow everything will go smoothly! Let’s hope that by the end of next week I’ll have an enlistment date, eh? (Of course, next week the army will be telling me that I didn’t do an eye test, or that I didn’t do the computer tests, or that actually I haven’t done ANY of the tests and that I’m not even registered at the enlistment center, or that actually I don’t even exist, or whatever and that I have to do it all over again….)


Today during class I had to translate out loud a difficult sentence from English into Hebrew (the English sentence was a sentence we had already translated from Hebrew), and when I was done everyone made a fuss. It was rather embarrassing. My face turned bright red and I was like, what’s the big deal, “So?” And the teacher said, as if she were stating the obvious, “Well, you’re our little girl!” Hahahah….I’m the youngest in the class by a couple or a few years, so apparently I’m the class’s “little girl.” And apparently this makes anything correct that comes out of my mouth about 75 percent more impressive. Then the 30 year old sitting next to me patted my back and said I was actually the class’s “baby.”

I guess I better enjoy being the baby while I can, cos in the army I’m going to be grandma.