Mama raised me right!

I experienced an uncomfortable theoretical question about morals today. Sorry that lately my blog has become so serious and concerned with morals….except for today’s earlier post which was about me being ridiculous when it comes to cleaning floors. But you know what? This is my blog and I’ll write what I want! If you want online entertainment go to a porno site, don’t come here.

Anyway, so about that uncomfortable moral question. I went to talk to the person I smacked the other day because I was sick of having a public argument and I just wanted peace—not necessarily friendship again, but just peace. And he told me that if I had a problem with what he was doing to other people then I didn’t have to watch.

Look, I really hate to play the Hitler card here, but let’s think about it. What if every time a person saw cruelty in the world they just turned their eyes away? I think too many people did that during the Holocaust, and look what happened! So basically what this guy is telling me is that I should turn my eyes away for the sake of friendship with Hitler. Why would I want to turn a blind eye to suffering, and why would I want to be friends with Hitler? I know it’s ridiculous to compare simple bullying with mass murder, and maybe people reading this with family members who experienced death camps will find my comparison offensive….but I mean, the root of it is the same: evil and cruelty.

My friendship with this person is beyond repair—I’m an optimist so I’ll say that it’s only beyond repair until this person recognizes that what he is doing is unbelievably cruel….but even an optimist has to question whether or not that will ever happen. But the fact that I was put in a position where I had to honestly think about, if given the chance to re-do what happened, whether or not I would keep my mouth shut and turn a blind eye to what my friend was doing simply for the sake of his friendship really got me thinking and really made me upset. Would I be willing to do that?


And I thought about it. And here’s what I decided. There’s a limit to how beautiful a person can be—even with make up, a person can only be as pretty as their body simply is, you know? And there’s a limit to how smart a person can be. Sometimes people can never be Einstein, now matter how hard they try. And there’s a limit to how talented you can be at anything, like say playing the piano, because you’re either born with talent that you can cultivate through practice or you’re not. In fact, almost everything you can possibly be in life is limited by who you happen to be at birth. But I don’t think there’s a limit to how good you can be. I think anyone is capable of being the next Ghandi or Jesus or whoever the Jewish equivalent is (if Jesus doesn’t count…). I honestly believe that. Maybe I’m just being idealistic, maybe I’m just being stupid, but that is what I believe. I don’t care who you are or how you were raised or how bitter and angry you are at the world, you ALWAYS have the option of being the kindest person in the world. I’m not saying that it’s not a struggle or that there’s not temptation to be an asshole (because it’s often just as easy to be an asshole as a kind person, and usually assholes get the laughs), but I am saying that you are capable of it. So if the only thing you are capable of in the entire world is to be the kindest person on the planet, why are you not pursuing that goal rather than other goals? Why would I give up the opportunity to be the only thing in the world that I, and everyone else in the world, am born with the capability of becoming the best at just for the sake of convenience, for the sake of having one more person to eat dinner with on the kibbutz?

Look, I’m not aiming to be the next Ghandi or anything, but I simply want to be a decent person. And I don’t care if my wanting to be a decent person means that I will end up not having a single friend in this country. I’d much rather be the loneliest person in Israel with the ability to look at myself in the mirror than the most popular person in Israel with absolutely no shame and no end to my cruelty. And luckily I don’t think I’d have to make that kind of sacrifice, because I’m starting to see a sort of rebellion here in ulpan against the horrible boys. Apparently the French girl next door started shrieking at the boys for throwing sticks and dirt at the borderline-retarded boy while he was sleeping (I can’t believe I used to not like this French girl! She’s now my favorite person here!) and also screamed at the boys for farting on people in their sleep, and another person yelled at the boys for throwing goat shit in the socially awkward boy’s hair.

Another issue has arisen from all of this. I think for the first time in my entire life I am embarrassed to be American. One of my friends here thought I was German based on my accent in foreign languages, and hearing that made me so happy in a way that it never would have before this kibbutz experience. I’ve always been a flag-waving Republican, but after being on this kibbutz I am absolutely horrified that my country was able to nurture such horrible people as the “cool” boys. (My former friend is technically an American but was not raised there and does not have that accent….but all the other boys who are doing the cruelty are Americans. Big fat Americans.) In fact, some of the other people in the kibbutz that I’ve been talking to, including my French friend, refer to the group of horrible boys as “The Americans.” On a daily basis I hear the same phrase in several different languages from several people: “I hate The Americans.” They call the group The Americans because every single American boy in this ulpan is causing the trouble and no other nationality. When I hear someone saying that they hate The Americans, I always turn bright red because, well, I agree! I hate The Americans, too. Today when my French friend told me in French a long story about more things that The Americans did today. I didn’t say anything, just nodded and listened. Finally she finished by angrily blurting out that she hates The Americans. I sadly responded in French that I hated The Americans, too. And, of course, my accent instantly reminded her that I was American and she gasped and cupped her hands to her face in embarrassment. “Oh oh oh, of course I do not mean you, SamonTah!”

Well, I’m glad that I’m not part of the horrible gang called “The Americans,” but I hate being the only exception. I’ve always been so proud to be American, even though I’m in Israel now, so it feels strange to NOT want to be considered part of “The Americans.” I wish people here constantly said that they hated The Hungarians or The Peruvians or The Ukrainians. Why is it that MY fellow countrymen have to be this kibbutz’s resident assholes? I always thought of Americans as idealistic and optimistic people—right now I’m listening to the song “Only in America” which is just one of many songs about the American Dream, so positive--yet here we are being miserable bastards to lonely boys with disabilities. If there’s one thing I remember being told in school it was that in America anyone, even a boy born in a cardboard box in a back alley somewhere, ANYONE can be the president. Yeah, we know that not everyone wants to be president, but in school they always use this as a way of saying that in America anyone can aspire to greatness and become great. And being the good American that I am, I’ve always believed that. American Dream and all that. Well, if we can be anything we want to be, why are we being assholes? If we can do anything we choose, why do we choose to inflict pain on the weak? If we have limitless potential, why aspire to cruelty?

I don’t understand. We are in Israel now. We are in the most beautiful country in the world, we are next to the holiest city in the world, and most importantly we are among our fellow Jews now. Does that mean nothing to us? 60 years ago we probably wouldn’t have had this opportunity to be here, and yet we choose to show our appreciation for being here by taking this opportunity to inflict as much pain as possible within this country. Isn’t there enough shit going down in this region without stupid American boys drawing penises on people and throwing goat shit in people’s hair? Come on now, folks…