You'd think I spoke English fluently or something...

Today the Women of the Wash all just suddenly started speaking English to me. I had made SUCH an effort to speak Hebrew only to them, and suddenly today even the women who previously spoke only Hebrew to me now switched to only English. Even if I ask a question in Hebrew, I get a response in English. If I respond to a question in English in Hebrew, all follow-up questions are in English.

This is extremely frustrating. I'm pretty sure the Women of the Wash think I'm retarded. Sure, you might say that thinking that someone doesn't understand Hebrew is NOT the same as thinking someone is retarded. I completely agree. However, that is not all. Even when they give me instructions in ENGLISH now, the Women think they are helping me by gesturing wildly and ridiculously, with the sort of stupidity that you can only find in a game of Charades. To quote a previously un-named background bitch, who henceforth will be called Charades Bitch: "I (points to self) am GO-ING (makes walking gesture with fingers) to EAT (mimes moving food to her mouth). YOU (points to me) can FINISH (she couldn't think up a gesture for this one but was visibly DYING for one) to FOLD (mimes folding) the TOWELS (points to the basket of towels next to us). TOWELS! (points at the basket again)"

I wanted to say, "GO (make walking gesture with fingers) FUCK (make humping gesture) YOURSELF (point at woman)."

I'm fucking pissed off. They're extremely condescending. The Women of the Wash AND the people here in Israel who respond to me (and other people in the ulpan are having htis problem too) in English. It's so frustrating to be in this country and to make an effort to speak Hebrew and to have people respond in English. I know you might think, "Oh, well, they just want to practice their English!"

Well fuck that! I didn't come here to be the nation of Israel's English tutor! If you want a fucking English tutor, go to England! If someone made the trouble to drop everything and move to this country and is trying to learn Hebrew, responding to them in English 1) announces that their Hebrew sucks and 2) is denying the person the opportunity to NOT suck in Hebrew. People of Israel, if you move to the U.S. (G-d forbid!), then I won't use you as my personal Hebrew tutor when you're trying to speak English. But right now we're in Israel, so things are different. In America we speak English, in Israel we speak Hebrew.

I got so pissed off with the Women/Bitches of the Wash speaking English with me that I started responding in English and making intentional mistakes or at least confirming the mistakes they made. Naomi Bitch asked me, "I can to take the fan?" And I said, "Yes, you can to take the fan" as if what I were saying were perfect English. Old Bitch pointed at a basket of towels and asked me, "This need to fold?" And I responded with a perfectly serious expression on my face, "Yes, those need to fold." I figure if these women are going to be total bitches to me by denying me the ONE positive aspect of my job (the chance to learn Hebrew), I can be a total bitch by being the worst English tutor ever.

EXCITING NEWS: I HAVE CHOSEN BETWEEN TIBERIAS AND HAIFA. TOMORROW I AM GOING TO HAIFA! MORE INFORMATION TO FOLLOW.....OR NOT. BECAUSE THERE'S NOT MUCH ELSE TO SAY.