draft evasion and relatives and more

Well, finally. I finally have a piece of paper from the army that says, “You’ll be one of us come this July.”

Okay, so the letter was a little more official sounding than that.

To put it mildly, I’m pretty fucking excited. Only 4 more months of having to pay for bus fare, bitches!

I also though have to admit that now I know I’m going to have issues with certain patriotic family members (not immediate family), or certain friends with anti-Zionist tendencies…and it’s kind of upsetting. Also I think of all the “American Appreciation Day” concerts we did in elementary school, and I imagine my kindergarten teacher grabbing my red, white and blue-clad kindergarten self and yelling, “ARE THE SONGS YOU ARE SINGING AT AGE FIVE ALL LIES???” I can imagine an angry Toby Keith writing a song about me, or someone else like me who is joining a foreign army, and the song would be more aggressive than his post-9/11 “Courtesy of the Red White and Blue.”

Also, at some point in the army induction process I believe there is some kind of loyalty-swearing ceremony…and it’ll be weird to pledge loyalty to a country other than the US after going to an elementary school that had us regularly recite the Pledge of Allegiance. My Christian grandparents, both of whom worked for the US government in some sort of security role, would probably be appalled.

But again, let me emphasize that I’m excited. I’m happy that I’m going to be in a Jewish army—what a foreign notion! This is genuinely something I WANT to do. All I’m saying is that I know it’s going to permanently complicate my relationship with the U.S, or maybe just complicate how some people in the US will perceive my relationship with it.

On a completely positive note….I am so looking forward to putting in an alumni note the next time my high school prints the alumni magazine. Most people from my year will put in something like, “This year Amy graduated with honors from Extremely Difficult College A YEAR EARLY!” or “Charles is having a great time at University of Prestige and hopes to apply to law school.” Or “Kathleen is currently spending a year abroad in Canada, having a great time!!!”

And then they’ll put in my name. “This year Sam dropped out of college (for the second time), acquired foreign citizenship, became proficient in a foreign language, and got drafted into a foreign army. Sure, she may have been the nerd playing around with theater lights back in high school, but nowadays she walks around Jerusalem with an assault rifle and can kick any football player’s ass.”

(Okay, so the chances of me ever carrying an assault rifle around town and being able to kick anyone’s ass are extremely slim…but a girl can dream/exaggerate, can’t she?)

After writing what you’ve already read, I’ve received a facebook wall post from an older relative. I’m not really sure what people older than my parents are doing on facebook (and actually can’t even imagine what my parents would be doing on facebook), but that’s a whole ‘nother story. Anyway, this person who does not know me very well at all, maybe sees me twice a year, had the nerve to comment negatively on my upcoming draft, and she encouraged me to try to get out of it. She has no problem with me staying in Israel, but just doesn’t agree with the army commitment.

Which kind of disgusts me. Trying to argue my way out of getting drafted strikes me as kind of…elitist. That somehow mandatory army enlistment is fitting for everyone else except for me, that I’m too good for it. What’s especially frustrating is that this person is so liberal, constantly ranting against what she perceives as elitism, and yet here she is suggesting that I do something extremely elitist. Her argument is that I’m a “free-thinker” or whatever, and that it’ll be tough for me to be in an environment where I’m constantly told what to do. Therefore I should try to weasel my way out of getting drafted. She’s right, I don’t like being told what to do.

But does ANYONE in Israel like being told what to do? And for that matter, does anyone in the world like being told what to do? Am I somehow more of a rebel/free-thinker than every single person who has ever served in the IDF that I should argue to be exempted from service because of my “unique” preference to do what I please?


Yeah, I’m excited about the army because I’ll improve in Hebrew and I’ll (hopefully!) make friends, and do something kind of weird/different with my life, but all that stuff aside, I feel like I HAVE to do the army just so I can look at myself in the mirror…..I don’t know if I could feel comfortable living in a country where almost EVERYONE else had to do the army for two/three years, whereas I waltzed in and bitched my way out of it. Especially since the state gives new immigrants like me so much.

See, I see the army as kind of a bizarre form of tax. It’s a necessary price Jews in Israel have to pay for living in a protected Jewish State, only this tax is paid in time rather than money. So for me to say that I don’t want to do the army is kind of like saying, “I don’t want to pay taxes, but I still want to reap all the benefits of taxes. So I’ll just let everyone else pay taxes.”

And, well, frankly only a total shithead would do that.