Holy shit, it's Jesus!!!!! Wait. Wait. No, it's just my roomie.

So I know I've already decided I'm staying. But last night I had a definite....good moment. Actually, i had two moments that I think sort of qualify as "religious" but in a bizarre way.

There are ruins of a crusader fortress at this place. As much as I hate this place, I gotta admit that having crusader ruins on the property makes this place like 99% badass. Why? Maybe I shouldn't admit this because, when you're Jewish, admitting this is like admitting that you used to want to be a Nazi when you grew up, or you wanted to be a Slavic anti-semitic person from the 1900's......but I wanted to a Crusader when I was younger. 1) I thought they were badass, 2) I didn't realize they killed innocent people (among them Jews), and 3) it didn't occur to me that they were exlusively Christian...and obviously 4) I had no concept of time/history being linear and forward-moving.

So yesterday one of my roomies, my friend that I whacked (that I guess I'm now friends with again?), and I decided to climb the large hill/small mountain with the crusader ruins.

Holy shit. It was so cool. We got to the top around sunset, and the other two decided to explore other parts of the ruins. Instead, I decided to plop down in what I thought must have once been a windowsill. It was awesome because the top had crumbled away, so I was sitting in this frame that had no top and it looked like some kind of surrealist painting because it was like sitting in a framed painting that kind of spilled out the frame and continued into the sky. I don't know if that makes any sense. If any reader ever decides to visit me on this place, I'll take you and show you. Otherwise you'll just have to take my word for it.

So anyway, I'm sitting in this crumbling windowsill, and you can see all the neighboring hills....the Arab villages, Jerusalem, and even (we think) the West Bank. It was awesome. And then something very silly occured to me, so I started giggling. My friends came over to ask what I was giggling about, so I said, "You know, it just dawned on me because we're sitting on Crusader ruins....I guess even my Christian ancestors wanted to be here pretty damn badly, too! And I find that bizarrely comforting" Maybe my fellow Jews out there will be disgusted that I could find such a thought comforting or amusing, but whatever.


Later on that evening my roommates and I were all lying in our beds in the dark having "Girl Talk." I had taken my glasses off (and, for those of you who don't know, I have terrible eyesight) and I was starting to doze off in the midst of "Girl Talk." I was in that territory where you're not really asleep but where you don't really have any idea what's going on around you. It was my understanding that both of my roommates were still in bed. Suddenly I hear a loud sort of growling/gurgling noise. I immediately turn over and face the door (where I think this noise is coming from), and I look for the source of this startling noise. But I can't see much of anything because my glasses are off. So basically I'm completely disoriented because I can't see anything and because I'm half-asleep, wondering what the hell is going on. Then the room filled with light--not like how it would if you turned on the light switch, but it was a more gradual thing, kind of like the sun rising except in like 3 seconds. Then an unrecognizable silhouetted figure stood in the inner doorway.

And, well Dear Readers.....I started screaming bloody murder. I let out the loudest scream I think I've ever let out, without shame or embarrassment. Just complete and utter terror. You know, the kind of scream that scrapes the lining of your throat away and makes your heart stop. I thought it was Armageddon. I thought the Apocalpyse had come. Night was turning to Day, there was this bizarre and sudden noise, and there was this mysterious figure in the doorway. Holy crap, it was the end of the world.

So I'm still screaming bloody murder, and my roommates are like, "WHAT?!?!? WHAT???? WHAT'S GOING ON, WHAT'S THE MATTER????" Well, actually only my Australian roommate was doing that. My Chilean roommate was screaming in Spanish.

I kept yelling until I realized that the voice of one of my roommates was coming from the mysterious figure in the doorway. I stopped screaming for a second, and in the second that passed the figure in the doorway turned on the light. Um, so turns out it wasn't the Moshiach but actually just my Chilean roommate.

So the girls kept asking me what happened, and I had to explain in Hebrew so that both could understand. But even then it was difficult. I kept telling them, while laughing, that I thought it was the end of the world. My Australian roommate understood and was laughing her ass off at me, but my Chilean roommate was having trouble understanding the vocabulary. I kept trying to explain to her, but to no avail. I didn't want to crack out the J-word since, but I figured that was the only way for me to be understood. So finally, I say: "Ehhhh, khashavti she Jesus khazar!.....?" (Um......I thought that Jesus came back!....?) and then she finally understood and started laughing hysterically. "Lo lo lo, ani lo Jesus, ani rak tsricha peepee!"



This is what happens when your roommate goes to the bathroom in the middle of the night without telling you and you don't wear your glasses.....


(P.S. I have an appointment with Misrad Hapnim in July. But in the meantime I have like 3 weeks to get a letter of clearance from the FBI. But the problem is that I believe you need to arrive at the FBI office in person in order to get said letter of clearance. So I don't know what I'm going to do.
Also, i don't know if I'll end up keeping the appointment. I'm still trying to do the Machal thing, but I can't be a citizen if I do that. But I don't know if I can get my doctor's letter in time. So maybe I will get citizenship. Shit, this is all so stressful. I want my maaaaaaaaam!)