So this one time

Um, so do you guys remember that time I joined a foreign army?

I remember it like it was yesterday. Actually, I remember it like it was today. Because it was.


Okay, so strictly speaking I am not part of the army yet and I am not 100 percent positive that I will even get a chance to go a-soldiering. For whatever reason, things might fall through or the army might decide they have no use for me. But also strictly speaking, that choice is no longer mine. I now legally have to be a soldier unless the army excuses me for whatever reason. I can no longer legally leave the country without the army's permission. Um, how fucking jealous of me are you?


Best part of the meeting today? When I was filling out a form, the soldier in charge was standing behind me and he put his hand on my back--right where I have the enormous gash on my back. I have a huge, deep cut from the shower that took 10 minutes to slow the bleeding, and it hurts like hell just to wear clothing. So you can imagine how it felt to have an enormous soldier hand on me, pushing on the open wound. I wanted to start shrieking, but I didn't want them all to think I had some chronic back issue that would disqualify me from army service. So I just sucked it up. Aw crap though, I feel like crying right now just thinking about how painful it was though!

Best part of Tel Aviv? I actually sort of know my way around and so I didn't have to keep consulting a map. And so many American tourists came up to me and would yell at me in slow English, as if they thought I had trouble understanding, "Do you speak English??????" So I would yell back in a drawn out manner, "Yeeeeeeeees!!!!!!"
I overtook a pair of American tourists somewhere and was walking only a couple paces in front of them, and I was listening to their conversation. "Oh Harry, I don't know if I like Israel. Everyone in Israel is so rude and pushy here." They went on and on about it, and by the time I finally passed them one of them was like, "See, like this one just scooted herself on in front of us!" And the other let out a sigh of absolute scorn, so I turned around and said in my strong American accent, with a huge grin, "Oh, I'm actually not from here!" Oh my goodness. It was wonderful.

I also realized today that I'm now completely used to seeing guns all around me. Today an enormous gun on a crowded bus I was on even got caught on my shorts, and I didn't even panic because I'm so used to seeing guns everywhere. When I first got here, I used to panic when I saw them on the bus because I thought we'd go over a bump and the trigger would get bumped and suddenly we'd have casualties on the bus.... Now it's like, "Well, OF COURSE that 18 year old is carrying a huge fucking gun. Doesn't EVERYONE do that?"


So last night I ended up having a weird conversation with a French person. A few weeks ago he told me he came to Israel to run away from France because he killed a man, and I thought that couldn't possibly be true. We were having a conversation in French about our love lives (or lack thereof, haha....wait, that's not even something to joke about), and he was asking about one of my friends that I know he has a bit of a thing for. Unfortunately for the French guy, this friend already has a boyfriend. The fact that I had access to information on her boyfriend (for emergency contact purposes) came out for some random reason, and then the French guy demanded the information. Something felt weird, and also I don't normally hand out the contact information of people I don't really know, so of course I refused. I asked why he needed it, and he said, "So I can kill him." I stopped him. What???? "SamonTah, you cannot understand how funny it is to kill someone." What??? "I'll explain? Someone talks to me and talks and talks and talks and BLAM he doesn't talk anymore!" He started laughing.

I stopped him. "Wait wait wait, I don't think I understood that correctly. Tell me in English."
"I think it's funny to kill people because they are talking and talking and then you shoot and he don't talk no more!" And then he started laughing even more.

Um...... I don't know if he's serious or not. what's scary is that this guy is joining the army really soon. So........