Look out for the rhino!

I’m already frightened of the guy who’s supposed to be helping me through the army process. And I haven’t even met him.

I called him today to ask what my next step was (which is what the guy at the office told me to do yesterday), and I was expecting the guy on the other end of the line to sound like the guy at the office, who spoke quietly, slowly and with only slightly accented English. I start asking him questions. And he responds by cutting off the ends of all of my sentences by shouting slightly bad English with the same speed that one would use if one were being chased by a rabid rhino or something. (Can rhinos be rabid?) I imagine that while talking to me, this guy was clutching his phone, leaping over felled logs with surprising grace, dodging stunned antelope and desperately looking for a place to hide in the plains of the Serengeti as he attempted to flee some pursuing rhino. I mean, only THAT would explain the confusion in this guy’s voice and the speed with which he spoke to me. I mean, at first he sounded panicked, like he had no idea why I would be calling him of all people. But then we got down to business:

“Um, I just had a couple questions about the—“

“NO, NO QUESTION, YOU COME SEE ME.”

“Oh, so the next step is to meet with y-- ?”

“YES, YOU COME SEE ME. YOU COME SEE ME NOW?”

“Um…I don’t think I can today--.”

“WHEN YOU WANT COME?”

“Um, is Wednesday okay with you? Does that work for--?”

“WHAT IS THIS WEDNESDAY OKAY WITH ME?!?!? YOU COME WHEN YOU WANT, WEDNESDAY OKAY! YOU COME WEDNESDAY! BYE!”

“Ah! Wait! Where are-- ?”

“IN JERUSALEM. OKAY, SEE YOU!”

“Um, where exact--?”

“I TELL YOU. ___yeah, like im going to put the address on my blog_____ .OKAY. YOU COME WEDNESDAY, BYE BYE!”

“Thank—“

.Click.


Well, all I can say is that I hope he escaped the rhino just fine.

Oh Jesus…..

Other things on my mind right now:
1) I don’t know how I’m going to tell my parents that there is a good chance I might actually be part of the Israeli army in the near future.
2) I just spent an hour doing a bunch of laundry by hand and then set it outside on a drying rack to dry. And then I used the squeegee to clean off the mud that I had tracked in….and I flung it outside—right onto my newly cleaned clothing. Fuuuuuck.
3) I’m listening to “Surfin’ USA” and I’m reminded of the time when I was 6 when my brother (who was 7) and I decided to put on a show for our parents. We both put on bathing suits and we had a little Beach Boys concert. Hahahahhaha….. We pretended our pillows were surfboards, I wore a hula skirt and we made little wave decorations out of paper to put on the wall. Oh man, good times
4) Come to think of it, The Beach Boys can remind me of anything having to do with home/my childhood. That is the joy of growing up in Southern California.
5) Now I’m listening to my favorite Christmas song. Every summer, whenever I feel uncomfortably warm, I break out the Christmas music. My favorite Christmas song? “Snoopy’s Christmas.” Hahaha, don’t make fun of me.
6) Also, I think the entire Israeli Air Force just flew over my head.


Ah, you know what just came on? “Oh What a Night!” Things just got a little better.