I AM AN ISRAELI

Well folks, today I finally felt Israeli.

Sure, I may not dress like an Israeli, I may not talk like an Israeli, I may not push in "line" for the bus like an Israeli.....
But I work in a store in Israel and every single tourist that comes in there thinks I'm Israeli, including the Americans.

They talk to me in Hebrew, as if I don't understand English well enough. And I watch the American tourists walk in and buy Tzahal t-shirts or little Jerusalem trinkets, and I get to think for once in my life, "I'm not THAT." I actually LIVE and WORK and STUDY and do EVERYTHING in Jerusalem. I'm not rushing to shove memories of Israel into a bag of souvenirs, because I don't have to catch a flight back home from Ben Gurion tomorrow. I get a rush knowing that inside my purse is my teudat zehut and a few measly shekels, whereas the tourist has his passport with his visa for a 3 month visit and a pocketful of money to spend. I don't have to eat falafel at every moment of my life, because I know the falafel places will still be there next week, and I don't have to whip out my map at every moment because I know where I'm going. On the couple occasions that customers in the store have wanted to talk politics, I actually get to refer to Israel as "we" whereas the tourists have to say "you." When no one is in the store I get to sit on a stool and listen to the army radio station, and laugh because I actually understand parts of the parody song "Chaver Aravi."



Today was even more awesome though because a couple from New York came in and wanted a bunch of t-shirts, and I was helping my boss (I'm still the epitome of 'trainee'). And the couple were talking to me in SLOW. DELIBERATE. AND. LOUD. English, as if I wouldn't be able to understand them otherwise, because they heard me speaking in Hebrew to my boss. And they asked me, "CAN. YOU. PUT. THIS. PRINT. ON. A. ONESIE?" And as I was about to respond, they interrupted with, "DO. YOU. KNOW. WHAT. A. ONESIE. IS?"

I didn't even know how to respond to that. I wanted to burst out laughing from how ridiculous the situation was, and I wanted to punch the lady for kind of insulting my English, and I also wanted to thank G-d that I managed to convince an American that I was actually not American and maybe even Israeli. So I just settled on a sweet smile and a nod. And the lady replied with,

"WOW. YOUR. ENGLISH. IS. SO. GOOD."

And that, folks, just made my day. I feel like my absorption in to Israeli society is complete

So my advice to olim? If you want to instantly feel integrated into Israeli society, I advise you to work in a tourist shop. Because finally you won't feel like a tourist.



Also, dear old women of Jerusalem: stop asking me about the bus lines in Jerusalem. I have no fucking clue where your bus stops.
Also, I don't understand why people always ask if Line X has already passed. What's the point of asking?