I remember a time that I loved Israel...

I’m starting to feel a little down and homesick now…. At first I was only going to go 2 months without seeing my parents, but now I have to go 5 months. I’m going to have to go at least 9 months without seeing one of my brothers, and I have no idea when I’ll see the other. So, needless to say I’m feeling a little shit. I could REALLY use a frum cousin in Israel right now… I mean, the thought of having to go at least 5 months without seeing anyone you’re related to is real, real shit. Just shit.

I’m trying to stay positive but sometimes it’s a little difficult because sometimes you just need to go home to your family for a little unconditional love.

Also, I’m really freaked out because apparently whenever the Arabs in the village next to us get excited or are celebrating something they shoot off guns like no other. At least we THINK that’s what’s happening. So every couple days there’s like five minutes where you just hear a constant “BLAM BLAM BLAM BLAM BLAM!” and if it’s at night the sky keeps flashing. It is absolutely terrifying.

Anyway, I wrote a 4 page rant about how sad I feel and how foreign I feel and how this is so difficult. But I decided not to post it, and instead I'll save it and look at it when I'm finally settled here--whether it takes days, weeks, months or years. I WILL get settled here.

Well, people, you can help me get settled. (Prolly just Abraham and Elana reading this….though if you’re not A. or E. feel free to put in your thoughts anyway.) I’m calling upon you to remind me what I like about this country. Remind me that I REALLY want to be here. I’ll start us off:

I love that pudding can be found at every breakfast.

I love that there is this famous guy here (I think he’s a TV personality) whose name is Guy Penis.

I love that a gesture that reminds me of a gesture you would make for “money” or a gesture you would make while asking, “Understand?” is actually a gesture for “wait.”

I love that when I’m here I just say “Fuck it!” to world opinion and believe what I honestly believe is morally right.

I love that in ulpan I think I feel how my family must have felt when they moved to the US.

I love that I have the freedom of being thousands of miles away. Example? I’ve known this one girl for the past 8 years and she’s always bothered me with political/whatever types of arguments and I’ve always had to eventually give in and suggest that, “Okay, well, maybe you’re right…” just to get her to leave me alone and just to keep the peace. But today she said something to me via the internet that pissed me off, and I was about to respond by saying something diplomatic…..but then I realized that I was 5000 miles away from her, and there’s a good chance I’ll never see her again in person. And, well, I couldn’t be bothered to be diplomatic when she was clearly wrong. So I basically just sent back a snarky, sarcastic comment that basically suggested she was an idiot. And then came her response, “Thanks for your vote of confidence. Have a good fucking day.” 8 years I had been waiting for this moment, and I think I’ll thank G-d for Israel because I finally took care of this business. I’m not saying I’m going to tell off everyone I know in America….but I am saying I’m enjoying the chance to be who I want to be and believe what I want to believe!

I love that bus drivers, laundry women and people in supermarkets sing along to music they hear if they feel like it.

I love that I can now decently navigate my way around Jerusalem and Tel Aviv on my own.

I love that I now have Jewish friends from England, Peru, Mexico, India, South Africa, Belarus, Russia, France, etc etc etc.

I love (and hate) that any errand involves a challenge because of the language barrier. Everything is always an adventure because there’s always a sign to try to decipher or there’s always some Israeli guy yelling at you in Hebrew because you’re doing something idiotic, but you have to struggle to understand exactly what… An errand ceases to be an errand and instead becomes a knight’s quest.

I love that when I’m here I don’t feel like a total asshole for considering a presidential candidate’s opinion on Israel to be the most important factor in deciding whether or not to vote for him.

EDIT: I love that the 28 year old Hungarian guy sitting next to me is watchign *NSYNC videos on youtube.

Above all else, I need to remind myself that I love Israel. I need to remember that I wanted (and still want, though sometimes I forget) to be here. I’ve loved Israel my entire life, and I decided in the summer of 2006 that I needed to live here. Well, now I’m here. And though I’m homesick and wish I had family here, and though this kibbutz is shit, and though my job is crap…..in the words of the great Beatles: “We can work it out.”

Actually, what the hell am I talking about, “We can work it out”??? One of my big philosophies in life is that there are two types of people: “Let It Be” people who just accept that things are shit, and “Hey Jude” people who try to make things better and feel better about things. And I want to be a “Hey Jude” person.

Bright side? Next week we’re going on a group tiyul to the south. Every single time I hear the “south” I imagine a bunch of rednecks, but then I remember I’m in Israel….. Anyway, I’m really excited. We’re gonna get to go to the Dead Sea, Sde Boker and Masada. I’m not too excited about Masada though, because I’ve never really liked the story behind it. I don’t like that they all killed themselves. Personally, I’d prefer to die fighting a futile fight than to kill myself and let the enemy win without even a minor fight. Shit, I have to remind myself of that when I’m having a shit time here. Keep fighting! (Jesus, Sam, it’s just a fucking kibbutz….you aren’t experiencing Masada!)