What do you mean, "This isn't The Talmud" ????

I think the ulpan director told the Women of the Wash that I didn’t want to work there. Which is pretty shitty of him, when you consider that I am not allowed to change jobs. Actually, that’s not just “pretty shitty,” that’s fucking awful of him. So basically now the women hate me even more. And they talked about me even more today, as if I were not there. Eventually I just convinced myself that “Samantha” (pronounced "SemenTAH") was the Hebrew word for “complete badass mo-fo,” and I felt a little better.

The Women of the Wash can’t make up their minds about how they want me folding things. One of the women insists that I do it X way, and then when I do it X way a different woman runs up to me and yells at me to do it in Y way. I do it Y way, and then the supporter of X gets pissed off. Today the X-supporter and the Y-supporter got into a fight in Hebrew, right in front of me, about how I should be folding. Both claimed that I was terrible at folding the other way, and that their way would make me faster and neater.

You know what? In Hebrew class they tell us we’re learning words that we’ll need to know if we live in Israel. We learn how to say terrorist attack and we learn all the names of Israel’s wars in Hebrew, but they don’t tell us the most important phrase. Ech omrim, “Make up your rancid cow-bitch fucking minds about how I should fold these fucking t-shirts!” ? Does anybody familiar with Hebrew want to help me out on that?

I mean, this isn’t The Talmud, where there are multiple, equally valid opinions from different sages that ALL need to be preserved. This isn’t a fucking Beit Midrash. This is a fucking Laundromat. Just tell me ONE ABSOLUTE WAY to fold these fucking towels, and then leave me the fuck alone.

Woman Y is constantly coming over to provide helpful “tips,” which are actually requirements that slow me down and make my work harder and messier. She says, “This works for me and it might work for you.” Well, it doesn’t fucking work for me. But when I do it in a way that DOES work for me, she comes over and I get a whole lecture about how we need to “l’kapel KACHHHHHHAAAAA. V’AZ KACHHHHHHHHHAAAA!” She has one of the most disgusting chet/chaf noises I’ve ever heard in my entire life. I mean, I normally think the chet/chaf is a pretty kickass noise, and I wish English had a noise like it--but this woman makes it sound like a 72 ounce steak is stuck in her throat or something. Anyway, she’s constantly in my face because she can’t just mind her own work for two fucking seconds. All she does all day is sit on her fat ass, smoke, bother me, and hack like a hag because of her smoking. NEVER do I see her doing her own work. Today I just wanted to tell her, “Bitch, you come over here one more time and I’ll smack you all the way into Syria…”

Oh well. Right now I’m off to Tel Aviv. I’ll be there for Yom HaAtzmaut. It will be fun I think….a nice break from folding towels.