SURVIVOR: ULPAN

This ulpan is starting to become like Survivor. We were never mighty in number, but people are dropping like flies. Some found jobs in Tel Aviv, one got kicked out for being craycray, and yesterday one of the Russians got kicked out for being an alcoholic. He literally drinks 3 liters of vodka a day. You think I’m joking? I’m not. I don’t understand how it’s physically possible for this guy to be 1) alive and 2) not in a coma.

When he got kicked out, he said he was going to Eilat. The “House Mom” said that she would be nice enough to tell him how to take the bus there.
“No no, I take taxi.” The Russian kid is taking a TAXI to Eilat. Fuck, that’s gotta be expensive.

EDIT: My roommate just informed me that the Russian alcoholic got taken away in an ambulance today cos of drinking.


If the house mom tells me to clean the room one more fuckign time, I’m going to snap. My roommates and I are all legal adults, I think we can decide when we want to fucking clean our room and when we don’t.

Also, I understand this is Israel and that this question is not rude here, but it will always be rude to me: if I get asked just ONE more time how much x, y, or z costs, I’m going to snap.

Another thing that irritates me? This isn’t a Hebrew thing, but a foreign language in general thing: an inanimate object is not a she. An inanimate object is not a he. And inanimate is just that. An inanimate object. It has no sex life, no sexual preference, and no sex in general. If we find out later that the door has snuck off to fuck the window, maybe THEN we can talk about words being masculine or feminine, and maybe then we can also talk about masculine words mating with their fellow masculine words or whatever. But you know what? That isn’t happening.

A couple days ago during work I got a “Col HaCavod.” I wasn’t really doing anything, so I kind of looked at the woman funny. I understand what the words mean, but I didn’t understand what I had done right. But the woman thought I didn’t understand so she translated for me. I was too confused to explain that I knew what she meant. You know, I noticed that there’s a LOT of “Col HaCavoding” and “Mazel Toving” going on that I don’t understand. Today was Fat Bitch’s birthday, and everyone was like, “Mazel Tov!” But I didn’t understand why I would tell her Mazel Tov for that…. It really confuses me.


TOMORROW—MISRAD HAPNIM!!

And finally, I just want to say that I have this thing now that tells me what people are searching for in google that directs them to this blog. And, I gotta say, because of all the foul language I use in this blog, so many of the searches are really dirty. So while I of course extend a welcome to my normal readers (all 0 of you….), I want to extend a SPECIAL welcome to my visitors from Google. To you I say, “Welcome, and slut bitch fuck penis sex.”