Cups of Pee Revisited

Well, folks, I am done with army exams. Now all I have to do is wait for my enlistment date to come in the mail.

The day actually went magically well. Everything went smoothly, including the bus tickets. After I did my eye exam (I UNDERSTOOD EVERYTHING THE DOCTOR WAS SAYING TO ME IN HEBREW!!!), I went to go see about retaking the Hebrew exam. I took the Hebrew exam back in July or August, so hopefully my Hebrew has improved since then. So I went up to the part of the enlistment center that deals with that sort of thing, and I asked to retake the exam. They took my teudat zehut, typed it into the computer, and one of the soldiers said to me in Hebrew, “You are not eligible to take the Hebrew exam again.”

Well, fuck, I thought. Everything was going smoothly until now. I felt really panicked because I didn’t want the army to think I was shit in Hebrew, and I’ve been panicking for at least a week about having to retake this exam and not doing well enough, etc etc. So I started arguing in Hebrew, “Wait, not eligible? But I was told that it’s possible to retake the Hebrew exam!”

“Yes, but you did very well the first time you took it and you don’t need ulpan, so you don’t need to take it again. You’re not eligible to take it again.”

YES!!!!! Life just got awesome. I’m done with army exams, and I didn’t have to take another Hebrew exam. So much for panicking all week…


Veteran readers (all one of you?) might remember that the thing that interested me the most about the enlistment center way back in July/August was the fact that when they have you do the pee-in-a-cup test, you have to pee in a bathroom in the other side of the building from the doctor’s office where the pee gets tested. (Oh, and in case I didn’t mention: you get to test your own pee! How cool is that?!) So basically you’re stuck carrying a cup of your own pee—with no lid, mind you!—through a crowded building with narrow hallways, trying desperately not to spill it.

Well, as fate would have it, the eye doctor is basically right next to the pee doctor, so as I was waiting today in the narrow hallway outside the doctors’ offices, I watched no less than 10 cups of pee go by my face.

And while the last time I was doing tests at the lishkat giyus I was that scared person cradling a cup of pee, today I got to sit back and relax and try not to laugh at the expressions of extreme concentration upon the faces of those who were doing their first tests today, as they tried not to bump into the Haredi men blocking the hallway and thus spill pee everywhere. Oh man it was amusing…

Also, just want to say I'm grateful for having a foreign name here. Today on TWO occasions the doctor called out a name and two people responded. But when he called out "SemenTAH?" I knew it was for me.


Anyway, all is set and done with me and the enlistment center. And now we play the waiting game...