NO, bitch!

So last night I was walking around the building and this religious girl bumped into me a couple minutes before the religiously observant were to light candles. “Candlelighting’s in five minutes, do you want to light?” asked the girl. I thanked her but said that I didn’t really want to this Shabbat.

“Aw, come on, you know you want to,” she pressed. I just kind of shrugged and smiled and said I’d rather not today.

“[Elbowing me in a friendly way, as if she’s letting me in on some secret] Come on, it’s not that hard, just come light a candle…what do you say?” I kept a smile and said that I didn’t feel like it today.

“Oh, really, come light a candle, they’re so pretty.” Now I was starting to get pissed off. I explained that, in addition to just not particularly feeling like lighting Shabbat candles right now, I only really like to light Shabbat candles on Shabbats I actually plan on keeping, but since I would most likely be sitting on my computer this Shabbat, I felt uncomfortable lighting a candle.

“Well, that doesn’t matter, come light a candle anyway! You can light a candle and not keep Shabbat.” Oh G-d. Now I’m getting really pissed off. LEAVE ME ALONE. I ended up explaining that I knew that I COULD, that there was no rule preventing me, but that this is just how I personally roll. Plus, I just. Don’t. Feel. Like. It.

“Okay then…well, you should really come down and light a candle because it’s really fun! But I’ll see you at dinner then!”

I understand the whole thing with English speakers, that if you offer them something, like a favor from them or a drink or a car ride or a whatever, they’ll usually turn it down once or twice out of politeness or something. But usually that format is, “Would you like _____? Are you sure? Okay, well, if you change your mind just let me know.” You don’t keep pushing it like six times though.

NO, BITCH, I DON’T WANT TO LIGHT A CANDLE!

I’m doubly pissed because this religious girl is acting like this is something that we all have to do, like it’s the family tradition of everyone. This is NOT my family tradition, lighting Shabbat candles probably doesn’t have the same meaning or feeling for me as it does for her. I think I go through phases of feeling connected and whatever to Jewish tradition, where stuff like saying Kiddush has meaning for me even though we never did it at my house growing up, and then sometimes I go through phases where I simply don’t feel like I belong to that. And these phases either last months or weeks or days, and I’m constantly fluctuating in and out. And at this moment I happen to be in the phase where I simply don’t feel all that connected to Jewish tradition. Which is fine. Just don’t fucking try to pressure me into lighting YOUR candles right now. Stuff like this makes me wish I hadn't come to Jerusalem and had chosen a more secular location instead.