Wait...Jews don't believe in xyz?

I forgot to mention: on Monday I was in the supermarket, and I saw a woman who was clearly American. I mean, she was speaking English with a perfect American accent to her little boy. I think she must have been an immigrant rather than a tourist, because when her little boy (around age 8, I would estimate) responded in English he had a strong Israeli accent.

It was really interesting, so I continued to watch this woman and her child, and I noticed that while the boy was speaking in English there were several words he simply didn’t know in English so he would say them in Hebrew.

Watching this really blew my mind. How strange it must be for a mother to have such a foreign child. I think this is what happens to most immigrants though. How strange it must be to have a child that might not understand every word or every nuance or every whatever you use.


At Shabbat dinner I realized how bizarre it is that I am considered as Jewish as can be, simply because my mother is Jewish. How strange it is that there are people who agree almost 100% with Jewish beliefs and are observant, and they have to convert to be considered Jewish, whereas I have my bizarre hybrid beliefs and am close to completely not observant and yet I could at this moment get married by an orthodox rabbi (assuming I found someone to marry!).

Being in such an orthodox environment like Jerusalem (and especially in an immigrant absorption center in Jerusalem—everyone made aliyah for religious reasons!), I feel like a weirdo for not being orthodox. Because I’m so surrounded by religious observance, I feel simultaneously more Jewish than I’ve ever felt before in my life also more like an alien than I’ve ever felt in my life. Sometimes when I’m around these people I feel like I believe more in Christianity than I do in Judaism, except for the parts about Jesus and turning the other cheek. (Sam never turns the other cheek! Sam either fights back or holds a life-long grudge!) *

My problem is that my solution cannot be to simply go off and hang out with secular people. I’m not secular. I believe so strongly in SOMETHING, but I don’t know what that something is. That’s a lie, I know what I believe in I just don’t know what to call it. I know what I believe, but it’s not pure Judaism.