Some bus tickets and an eye test.

Yayyyyyyy! I got a letter from the army enlistment place! All it says is that I need to come in for an eye test (which, as you might remember, I already knew I had to do), but I feel like a badass all the same.



I can’t wait to use the bus tickets they gave me. I feel like making a huge display of handing the tickets over to the driver when I get on the bus, and then giving a haughty laugh to everyone else on the bus, and saying in a posh British accent, “Oh yes, that’s right, the army (ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh-me) is paying for my fare.”

Knowing my luck however, I can already imagine how the scene is going to actually play out: I hand the driver the tickets, he tells me he doesn’t recognize them, then I have to say that I’m going to the lishkat giyus, an argument ensues, and in the end I end up paying full bus fare out of my pocket.


As usual though, I got loads of sympathy from the girls in my class, the majority of whom are orthodox. “You poor dear!” says the English girl who is married, yet only a couple years older than me. “I’d be so upset if I had to do the army for two years!”

No, I try to explain, I’m actually kind of excited. My concerns at the moment are only 1) telling my parents and 2) that the army will be like, “Actually, we decided we don’t want you.” (Well, then I’m also afraid that everyone in my unit or whatever the correct army term is will think I’m retarded because I can’t speak Hebrew well enough. I can just imagine it now: being surrounded by a bunch of Israelis talking to me in loud, deliberate voices, saying things like, “DO. YOU. NEED. TO. GO. TOILET? ARE. YOU. SURE?”)

Another girl in a long skirt from some accented English country (South Africa? Australia? Beats me….) asks me, “Ah, so you are volunteering?”

Well, no….when I did all the army tests when I was here on a tourist visa, I was a volunteer. But now I actually don’t have a choice because I’m a citizen.

Panic then ensued among the orthodox girls.

Girl in skirt: “Are they going to make ME enlist now that I’m a citizen too???”
Me: “No, cause you’re married.”
Different girl in different skirt: “WHAT ABOUT ME?! I’M NOT MARRIED!!!!!!!”
Me: “No, cause you’re 28.”

Frankly I’m not sure I see what the big deal is, I mean for girls at least. They ain’t sendin us girls to Gaza anytime soon. Unless I’m terribly mistaken, I’ll most likely be working behind a desk somewhere. Granted, the army doesn’t sound like the equivalent of going to Disneyland every single day, but I can’t imagine that it’s as horrible, soul-destroying and panic-worthy as these orthodox girls are making it sound. I’m actually starting to get a little anxious because I keep thinking, “Wait, is there something I’m missing?” But for the most part I think the pros of doing the army far outweigh the cons, especially for immigrants.

If an Israeli were reading this (Abraham, if you were Israeli I’d totally put a “Hey Abraham!” here…..because unfortunately I don’t have an Israeli equivalent of you for this blog), maybe they’d tell me that I’m actually horribly misled, and that the army is actually the most horrible part of your life and it’s like pure torture, like getting your fingernails ripped out on a daily basis or something. Whatevs. I guess I’ll find out for myself sometime in the future anyway, or (if my fears of the army telling me that they no longer want me are realized) maybe I never will find out. No use getting worked up over it anyway, since it’s not like I have much of a choice at this point.