mr c

Just found two sheets of paper with song lyrics on it. When I was 12 a teacher really pissed me off, so a friend of mine (a classmate) and I wrote a song about him. We also performed it on video.

The song was so vulgar at times and so mean to the teacher that my friend's mother was afraid we'd be expelled from school, so she took the video and locked it away in Northern California. She said we wouldn't be allowed to show it to our other friends until after we had graduated (we did indeed show it to friends after we graduated).

But all this time I had the lyrics and had forgotten about it. Cleaning my room, though, has its benefits. Here's an edited flavor of it (extremely vulgar parts or personal jokes that you won't understand have been removed):

Your opinion don't matter cos I'm so much fatter
I'm a teacher you'll hate, I've never had a date.
I'm Mr. C, yes it's a conspiracy
I'll talk about Jon [my brother who attended Yale and was apparently well-liked by this teacher], he's in on this con.
He's going to Yale and I'm going to jail
I hate Jorge [sic] Bush, my manboobs look like gush.

Mr. C. Mr. C. Doot doot doodle doo doot doot doodoo
Mr. C. Mr. C.

I have really bad BO, just thought you'd like to know
I am an old fart, I live in a shopping cart
I have a big schnoz, it doesn't have a cause
I'm into deja vu, I am a piece o poo.
I think you are all thugs, but then I'm on drugs!

Mr. C. etc etc

(awkward pause)
Sorry!
I've just been to Tijuana to get my marijuana.
I come from Mehico, you Americanos are my foe.
When asked to teach class, sometimes I just pass
I have a lot of mass, then I blast gas in class.
I am so retarded hat I must be force-fed.
So give me a straightjacket or I'll whack you with a history packet.
I play the air guitar, you'll see I'll go far!

Offstage person: "Boo, get off the stage you retard!"

Shut up you ass cos I like sea bass....

Chorus chorus chorus, blah blah blah....


("I come from Mehico"--is a reference to the fact that the teacher would INSIST that he was actually this cool Mexican guy, rather than American. He had us pronounce his last name as if it were Spanish, despite the fact that this guy was clearly American, was born in America, and came from an American family--and was probably no more Mexican than I am.)




Hahahah, oh man though. My friend and I thought we were just the cleverest people on earth back then. haha. Oh the things you think are funny when you're 12.... (Okay, who am I kidding...I still do.....)