Twinkie on a Stick

I don't know where else in the world they have this (maybe everywhere? maybe just here?) but in Southern California you hear about this thing called "The Marine Layer" a lot. (Okay, I just wikipedia-ed it and apparently it's common along large bodies of water....such as the Pacific Ocean). I had kind of forgotten about it, but yesterday they made a reference to it on the radio. Marine Layer...... Wow. What a great phrase. It makes me think of a layer of floating whales and various marine life floating around in the sky. How awesome would that be?


So I went to the Verizon store since my cell phone has been acting up, and the guy who was helping me had short fingernails---except for his pinky fingernail, which was appallingly long. Oh my goodness, i cannot describe to you how gross it was. It was like all of his fingernails were normal length for a guy, but the fingernail on his pinky--which is normally the most disgusting finger anyway--was like....like..... I cannot even describe how long it was. It was like he glued on a long fake nail. And then glued another one on to that. Guuuruglglgugluge eeeeeeeeeeeew!!!!

I also saw something that made me think, "Only in America...." It was this guy riding on a motorcycle in front of me, and he was wearing a jacket that had "I LOVE JESUS" written all over it. The dirt flap on his back wheel said something like, "CHRIST LOVES ALL!" and he had a backpack with hearts and "Jesus" all over it. His helmet was also decorated with Jesus slogans.
I mean, here's a guy who CLEARLY loves Jesus.
I'm not saying that Israel doesn't have its fair share of weirdos, but I think the heartwarming difference is that in the US, this weirdo more than likely has friends and is probably also a respected member of his community. Jesus Christ, do I love this country! Hah!


(I'm not gonna lie, I missed these people)

I was also happy because I ate at Hot Dog on a Stick yesterday. I think that that "restaurant" pretty much covers at a SINGLE time every kind of food Americans are supposed to like: hot dogs, fried foods, and foods on sticks.
Next time foreign folks make fun of us for being so goddamn fat, I wanna say, "Look, if you had the opportunity to eat hot dogs on sticks or fried twinkies on sticks or whatever fried on some kind of stick, you would too! You're just jealous!"

(Today though I think I'll stick to salad......I have pity on my poor arteries.)