Dear University/Midwest,

I am done. I've had enough of your forms and paperwork and payments and deadlines and whatever. There's a lot of fun to be had here, like at football games or simply eating dinner with old friends, but frankly the shit here outweighs what's nice here. It's like, I can't even enjoy a night out with my best friends because the stench of being stuck here cannot be escaped. It's like I'm walking around with a huge pile of shit under my nose at all times.

I'm taking the first boat back to LA or Israel. Hell, I'd even be fine with Arkansas at this point.

--Sam

P.S. I have "Start a Band" (Brad Paisley/Keith Urban) stuck in my head. majorly.