This is your chance to call me an idiot.

I hate being singled out on the street to shake a lulav just cos I'm Jewish. I hate being the weirdo.



Ended up having a conversation with my maaaaam about the whole to finish/not to finish college thing. And her response was, "Just wait, finish it out, it'll get better." Which is a ridiculous thing to say, because I've been begging to not have to go to school since 10th grade. Actually, that sort of acting out goes back even farther. Even in elementary school I was hiding in my closet in the morning so that I wouldn't have to sit through another day of class. My point? it ain't gittin better.

I'll admit, the thought of coming back to my friends was exciting. I was excited about seeing my old friends and whatnot, and seeing my FAMILY again. But then I realized that it wasn't a vacation from Israel, it was an actual farewell. Or maybe it IS a vacation, if you call two years a vacation. So seeing my friends, seeing my family, blahblahblah, was great (and still is), and being back in classes was pretty exciting. But now I've settled in and I'm bored and frustrated with classes again. The honeymoon is over, and now I have to stay married to this idea for two more years.

And talking on the phone to my mom made me cry. Because her response was just "Wait it out."

NO. I want out NOW.

Fuck. I wish I had an artistic talent. I wish I stuck with the bass, cos then I could just be like, "Fuck this, I'm taking my band to the big time." Or if I were a painter, I could paint shit, or whatever.

When I was little my parents bought me and my brother a book. A Dr. Seuss-style book, with fill-ins. And you were supposed to write about your likes, your dislikes, your habits, your this and your that. And in the spot that said, "WHEN I GROW UP, I WANT TO BE A ________" I wrote in my terrible, messy handwriting:

Taxi Driver.

And my parents flipped a shit. "Why are we paying for private school?!?!?!?" I still think it'd be great to be a taxi driver though. I love driving, and I love observing people without having to be their friend. You'd get to listen to their side of phone conversations, you'd hear people arguing or professing love in the back seat, and you'd get to consider to yourself, "Why is this person going to this place? And why were they at the place I picked them up from?" I mean, I HATE being a passenger in taxis for this very reason, because I believe that taxi drivers all chose to be taxi drivers for the same reason I'd want to be a taxi driver.

Another thing: Why do I like languages?
Because I like being able to eavesdrop in foreign countries.

I've never realized what a nosey person I am, but I guess that's EXACTLY what I am. I can't look at people without trying to figure out their background history. I can't go to someone's room without trying to visually take in EVERYTHING. Except when it's a friend who is talking, anything anyone says is constantly analyzed.

Jesus, maybe I should be a therapist? Hahah. I still like the idea of taxi driver though...