So today people were handing out New Testaments on campus, and I'm just so fed up with all this missionary shit in what is essentially my HOME.

So I did what I could do: I wrote a letter to the editor. I doubt it'll get published, but here it is:

Dear People Standing by The Arch,

I hate you. No, I don’t have a minute for the environment, no, I don’t want to learn about Mormonism, no, I don’t want a copy of the New Testament, and, no, I’m not interested in being a Jew for Jesus. I am a Jew for Going to my 9 am logic class in Fisk. I’m more likely to find a 20 dollar bill on the ground on my way to class than I am to find Jesus, no matter how hard you people try, and frankly I’d be much happier to have the 20 dollars. It’s not as if you people are introducing me to some new thing, like I haven’t heard about Christianity before, like it’s some mystical and mysterious fringe religion. And it’s not as if I don’t know where I can find a church if I suddenly feel the need to go to one—there’s one right across the street from The Arch.

With love towards Christians who leave everyone alone but with hatred towards missionaries,

--Sam
Founder, Jews for Being Left Alone